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ummmmm ……. seriously

January 4, 2012 Leave a comment

Well this makes perfect sense …. I mean when you think historical figures that are perfect for the next great rom com or sweeping epic romantic drama who else comes to mind but Karl Marx. I mean at the mere mention of Karl Marx the eroticism just jumps off the page. You think the twilight mania was bad just wait till the ladies get ahold of this

A portrait of Karl Marx.

Image via Wikipedia

that is one hot hunk of manwich right there …. you thought JT brought sexy back, but you have no idea…..

…. I can’t believe it took so long for someone to write this. And forget sonnets, love songs, works of art, or beaches at sunset nothing and I mean nothing gets the romantic juices flowing like 160 year old economic and political theory.  The potential new Viagra commercials practically write themselves. Whats next  a retelling of a christmas carol except with Stalin in the place of the Scrooge . Imagine Lenin uttering the “you had me at hello *tear*” line…..

So things aren’t looking so good in the print medium, but at least we can look to film for some quality entertainment

hold on just a second as I’m currently trying to stab myself in the eye with a pencil ……

So this pretty much makes the Geico caveman sitcom look like a brilliant idea. I mean in virtually every photo he’s ever taken Abraham Lincoln looks like

He’s seconds away from jumping up and kicking some vampire ass …… I mean look at the absolute Joie de Vivre and excitement radiating from ole honest Abe …. This guy is custom made to be an action hero. And with all the mass hysteria over vampires this will give Abe just the right exposure to prime to pump for the buddy comedy he’s shooting next with Jackie Chan ….where Lincoln is a disgruntled old cop who can’t get over the fact to Mary Todd left him for Karl Marx (as discussed above you can’t really blame her). Jackie Chan gets assigned to be Abe’s partner and teaches him to start living and loving life again all in the mist of them busting up an international drug ring led by some of the top cops in the department ….. I can smell the Oscar already.

I guess they got tired of making shit remakes of old movies so now its time to try to making shitty new movies with old characters….

Designated Driver is a Life Saver

August 1, 2011 Leave a comment

It looks like our buddy Mikie Mikes got some competition for father of the year: The father of the year is back!!

LIVINGSTON – A Mississippi man was arrested Saturday and accused of allowing his 8-year-old son to drive his pickup truck while the man slept in the passenger seat, aLouisiana State Policespokeswoman said.

Just after 6:30 a.m., troopers received a call from a concerned motorist traveling west on Interstate 12 nearHolden, Trooper Melissa Matey said.

The motorist said a child appeared to be driving a greenChevroletpickup truck erratically along the interstate, Matey said.

Troopers pulled the truck over just west of La. 447 inLivingston Parishand determined that an 8-year-old boy was driving the truck, Matey said.

The boy’s 4-year-old sister was in the back seat of the truck’s cab, Matey said. The boy’s father, Billy Joe Madden, 28, ofHattiesburg, Miss., was in the front passenger seat.

After interviewing Madden, troopers concluded the man was intoxicated and had been sleeping while his son drove the vehicle, Matey said. The family was traveling from Hattiesburg to Dallas.

The boy and girl were turned over toChild Protective Servicesto await the arrival of a family member, Matey said.

Madden was arrested and booked into the Livingston Parish Jail on two counts of child desertion and no child restraint. He was booked on one count each of parent allowing a minor to drive, open container and no seat belt. Bail was set at $1,474.

Child desertion?? He was sitting right there …. I mean c’mon police these days, every time they pull you over they want to try to charge you with everything but the Kennedy Assassination …… We got a parent here who is trying to help his son get ahead by teaching him important life skills at a young age, and at the same time teaching both his kids the value of having a designated driver. And some self righteous do-gooder has to stick their nose in where it doesn’t belong and get the law involved….

Ironically these children actually would have been better off it they had been deserted. Some how I was not surprised to see our friend was not wearing a shirt when he was brought in. It’s absolute poetic justice that this occured in Livingstone Parish.

What I still don’t get is how the hell does an eight year old child drive a car? How can he possibly reach the pedals??

and bail $1,474 are kidding me I’ve had my bail higher than that every time I’ve gotten arrested, and while far from a decent human being my level of jackassism hasn’t yet risen to the level of international news (fear not there’s still time).

where was the mother in all this? Maybe she was this chick: A Good Woman is Hard to Find.

Now this may not look good for Louisiana, but at least we’re not Idaho. Billy Joe Madden does look like he is probably on the Livingston Parish city council, but at least he’s not a STATE SENATOR …..Police: State senator stole truck after drinking

Here again we have a dedicated public servant simply trying to teach a lesson about not leaving your keys in your car, and all people can do is harass him….

Apparently the driver, who deputies say was Senator John McGee, was trying to turn the rig around. Carleton’s sons then said the driver ran around the house and up and down the gravel road. Carleton found him in the back seat.

“He said he was looking for the promised land,” Carleton said. “He didn’t know where he was at. He was dazed and confused. He was in another world.”

Yes the “promise land” isn’t that what we are all looking for Johnny …. I guess we can rule out the Idaho State Senate and the back seat of a stolen truck as possible locations….

This only underscores the wisdom of our original protagonist , Mr. Madden,  because clearly the mistake Senator McGee made was not bringing along one of his small children to take the wheel when things got hairy.

Remember the designated driver is a life saver.

Mad Men Musing

May 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Some times it hard to know just what these mad men are thinking….

HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL yeah I was just thinking now that I got some Bat-trays if i only had a glue stick things would be prefect… a glue stick ….. really?!? I can guarantee you one thing never in the history of humanity has anyone done something they weren’t going to do anyway due to the seductive lure of a free….glue stick?!?!?!

MARketing fail ….. what the hell were you thinking. This had to be a joke by some low-level executives….

Interesting that the condoms and pregnancy test are in the same location in the store, not exactly a ringing endorsement for your product quality eh?

and this concludes the tutorial on how to waste time in the the drug store….

~Le Singe

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Note to self shoes are cement for a reason….

November 3, 2010 Leave a comment

I think whoopsie is about all you can say about this story

Daniel Scott Lasky’s wish was to be buried at sea.

So when the 48-year-old died this month of Lou Gehrig’s disease, his family followed his request. They put his body on dry ice, brought it to South Florida, chartered a boat, said their goodbyes and released him to the sea, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

Except a day later, Lasky’s body floated to the surface.

A local fisherman spotted it Saturday about 4 ½ miles offshore near Port Everglades, the BSO said.

He called for help, setting in motion an investigation into who was the person and how did he end up in the Atlantic Ocean.

I shouldn’t be too harsh because I could easily see my funeral turning out something like this if it follows the pattern I set in life…..

The day after his death, his family began the drive south, stopping overnight in Daytona Beach before arriving in Fort Lauderdale on Friday.

That day, Sharon Lasky, his pastor and a few other family members boarded the Mary B III, along with the boat’s captain, crew and Daniel Lasky’s body, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

Is it just me or is this whole sordid affair starting to sound a little too much like an updated version of “As I Lay Dying” …. and when you add the next important line

The day after his death, his family began the drive south, stopping overnight in Daytona Beach before arriving in Fort Lauderdale on Friday.

That day, Sharon Lasky, his pastor and a few other family members boarded the Mary B III, along with the boat’s captain, crew and Daniel Lasky’s body, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

After their goodbyes, they went fishing in his honor and returned to shore.

And this becomes the most redneck thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life ….. did they use his fingers as bait …..

Meh you get through it how you can I guess … “whatever floats your boat” as it were (bah dun dun) ….

At least the fact that these ppl’s lack of thinking that you might need to weight the body down causing them to pull an unintentional “Pet Cemetery” can make us all feel a lot better about awkward or embarrassing things we’ve done at family gatherings because this one pretty much takes the cake.

Sister Wives ……. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little…..

October 7, 2010 12 comments


As I have documented Tv in this country is becoming a clear visual record of the deterioration of western civilization, but now we’ve hit a new low….

Have you seen the ads for this ‘Sister Wives‘ show? Unbelievable are you freaking kidding me, at first I just assumed that it couldn’t possible be a show about polygamy, so I thought it must be something else and they are using the title as a sort of double entendre in order to raise curiosity about the show.

WRONG

As per usual I’ve been expecting way too much from TLC …. ‘The Learning Channel … how can they call it that. With shows like this, “I didn’t know I was Pregnant”, and “Paralyzed and Pregnant” The Learning Channel has literally become trashier than VH1 (and that is a pretty damn epic thing to be able to say).

The show is about some guy who is married to 3 different women (and has a fiancée). I think the wives are not actually sisters although it would be even better if they were, they just tell people they’re sisters to hide the fact that they’re dirty polygamist …. which is smart since they are now displaying the fact that they are polygamist on national TV. Some people are into polygamy for religious reasons, but it is painfully obvious that this Ed Hardy wearing douche is nothing more than a good old fashion hustler. On one of the commercials it shows him talking to one of the wives and she is like “I can’t help it I have these jealousy issues….” hmmmmmm I wonder why that could be ….. maybe it has something to do with the fact that YOUR HUSBAND IS MARRIED TO TWO OTHER WOMAN AND HAS A GIRLFRIEND…… and if you look through the wives and girlfriends it becomes obvious that he is simply trading in on a new model every few years …..case in point:

Wives

Fiancée

together they have 13 children who suspiciously resemble “the children of the corn” … so riddle me this if you’re properly caring for and emotionally sharing yourself with 3 different wives and 13 children how the hell do you find time to meet and court a girlfriend …. ? Answer you don’t. My personal opinion is that  the new wife who appears much more “uptown” and obviously much younger than the rest of the harem is most likely an actress hired by TLC since apparently the plot line of the show is the surprise of a “new wife” and how everyone deals with it…….

One review explains:

The family is not breaking any laws since only one of the marriages is legal and the rest are “commitment marriages,” and right off the bat there’s a big announcement that will affect the family’s future — you guessed it, a fourth sister wife.

COMMITMENT MARRIAGES …. wtf …. I don’t think you get it ….. when people say they are in a committed relationship they mean they are committed to not seeing (I’m guessing marrying is included in “seeing”) other people. How can you have a COMMITTED marriage with someone who is MARRIED TO TWO OTHER WOMEN AND HAS A GIRLFRIEND …. It’s easy really you have zero self-esteem, and hustlers like Mr. Brown are very skilled at picking you out of the crowd.

As it sank into me, after seeing the commercials several times, that this was in fact a show on polygamy my main thought was isn’t that illegal how the hell can they have a show documenting someone breaking the law. low and behold:

Judgment Day in ‘Sister Wives’ Polygamy Case

TMZ.con
The Utah County Attorney has confirmed … the Lehi Police Department has completed their felony bigamy investigation into Kody Brown and his gigantic family — and the case has been turned over to the Utah County Attorney … who will ultimately decide whether or not to charge the family with a crime..

ooooh looks like taping and broadcasting to the nation your criminal lifestyle was not such a good idea…..

Kody Brown — who has 3 wives, a fiancée and 13 children — claims he was aware of the risk he was taking when he decided to put his family on the TLC reality show … but insists it was a “risk worth taking.”

Translation I wanted a nice payday, I obviously don’t care how my actions impact anyone but myself, publicly displaying that I have 4 wives who are shooting out children for me right and left makes me feel more “manly”, and I think I’m smooth enough to charm my way out of any trouble. This is how hustlers (con men, psychopaths) think further demonstrating his true nature. He doesn’t care at all how the consequences of  all this effect his family or children anymore than he cares what type of impact marring and dating other women has on his wive(s).

Although I find this distasteful, at the end of the day what these people do is their business, and not anything I would get involved in, BUT once you bring it to reality TV it’s everyone’s business. This is what really pisses me off that this guy is attempting to profit from his questionable lifestyle, and he tries to pass it off as “ok” or “normal”. If you want to be a creep thats your business, but don’t come to me, or go on air, trying to pass it off as “ok”. I hope they get convicted primarily since in most places it is illegal for a criminal to profit from their crimes. In this case it would be prefect punishment for this douche, who is using his wife and kids (who he already treats like shit) to make a quick buck, to end up going through all this and getting nothing.

P.S. – shame on anyone who watches this trash you are part of the problem …. people complain about Larry Flint et al. but frankly the stuff they have on TLC now days is much more vulgar than a titty…. or people having sex.

Add This to the WTF file

October 5, 2010 Leave a comment

So I’m watching Discovery I.D. and there is a story on about how this old lady was brutally murder. They brought this one guy in and he is all like ” what you boys wanna talk about…”

and they were like “Ms. xxxxxx”

and he was like “…oh ya her …. I killed that lady”

Then they ask him for details and he starts telling the whole story ….. I was like, man that was easy, but then they were like the details he was telling us did not match with the crime ….. turns out it wasn’t him the cops were like ‘ya he was in bad shape he had been smoking crack and shooting Oxycontin‘.

This guys is hella lucky b/c most places as soon as he confessed the cops would be like “getta rope” they wouldn’t give a crap if he was the right guy just that the cases was solved..

and …. how wasted do you have to be to roll into the cop station and confess to a brutal murder you didn’t do….

WHAT

THE

FUCK

I mean was he like this is going to be hilarious when I admit to this murder ….. oooooh I got you guys good

I’ve been wasted before, in about every way you can possibly imagine and I don’t think this thought has ever even crossed my mind … streaking or falling asleep at a stop light with your pants down is one thing, but falsely confessing to murder …. dude it’s definitely time for rehab, I’m pretty sure this is in the pamphlet “you might have a problem if ….. you’ve ever confessed to a brutal murder you didn’t do while wasted…..”

At least now a couple of years from now when he’s sitting around with his buddies they’ll have a good story … “hey T-bone remember that time you confessed to first degree murder….”

Finally A Political Discussion Worth Getting Involved In

September 23, 2010 Leave a comment

As I’m sure you know I absolutely abhor politics it’s nothing more than a bunch of people acting like children on the play ground. But sometimes in life there is an issue that is so important that it can not be ignored. Today our society is faced with one of these issues.

as reported by The Telegraph:

Nudists and swingers at war in France’s ‘Naked City’

“Traditional” French nudists in a town on the Languedoc coast are locked in battle with a new wave of naturists who advocate free sex and partner-swapping.

Tensions in the town of Cap d’Agde, which is known as France’s “Naked City” thanks to its large nudist population, have risen after locals complained that the nudist quarter had been overrun by raunchy hotels and that children had been confronted with people indulging in sexual acts in public, according to the Independent.

The exhibitionist behaviour has been blamed on the “libertines”, a group of swingers who have descended on the town in recent years.

To make matters worse, the group has been accused of walking about in their clothes and mocking the “real” nudists, the paper said.

Florence Denestebe, an independent local councillor, recently told a council meeting: “When the sun shines, there is an area of Cap d’Agde which turns into the European capital of free sex.”

She called on the mayor to intervene before there was an “explosion of libertine behaviour in non-nudist areas” of the town.

Traditional nudists support the move. One told the paper that they had moved to the area because they wanted “a natural life” but that they had ended up living “surrounded by wild animals”.

The mayor said that he would consider the complaints but had already done all he could to keep the two groups apart.

Two years ago anger of the influx of swingers led to two arson attacks on hotels that hosted libertine parties.

This must be kind of like the famous nudist vs swingers wars of ancient Rome, the so-called “phallic wars”. Swingers at war, for the love of god they’re swingers where the hell do they find the time or energy to fight a war. I’m sure this is where the phrase comes from, they were all out doing their thing and someone was like “…so this afternoon we can all sit around having sex, or we could go fight a war” and someone else was like “…uummm all things being equal I’d rather make love not war”.

Then there is the “Traditional nudists” now here is a phrase you don’t hear everyday. The conservative family values nudist…… It’s like the old school nudists…. no sex for them … I’m guessing they are the aggressors in this struggle.

“Traditional” French nudists in a town on the Languedoc coast are locked in battle with a new wave of naturists who advocate free sex and partner-swapping.

And this is a problem because …. Look if nudism (is that a word?) is anything its a thinly veiled excuse for “free sex and partner-swapping”. I mean I’ve been naked and I’ve seen other people naked and frankly if there’s not “free sex” involved what the hell is the point…. I mean if everyone’s walking around naked lots of uninhibited sex is going to be part of the package, that’s the way it is, and always has been since a certain young lady, on the advice of a serpent, ate that apple.

So really the important political question becomes …. how the hell do I join this ‘libertines’ party… I mean it beats the hell out of the tea party.

To make matters worse, the group has been accused of walking about in their clothes and mocking the “real” nudists, the paper said.

It’s almost as if they have some crazy idea that group nudity is for orgies and locker rooms and that’s about it … those crazy bastards.

Florence Denestebe, an independent local councillor, recently told a council meeting: “When the sun shines, there is an area of Cap d’Agde which turns into the European capital of free sex.”

She called on the mayor to intervene before there was an “explosion of libertine behaviour in non-nudist areas” of the town.

Way to be a wet blanket Florence …. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say even when the sun isn’t shining it’s probably not exactly a convent around there. Look nudist area or non-nudist area when you live somewhere know as “Naked City” you have to know that this is part of the deal. If you don’t like it move. What the hell do you want them to do make sex against the law…. so you live in a city where you can walk around naked all day but sex is illegal…..What I’m really curious about is whats the dress policy for the “council” meeting, because they may have found a really good way to get people interested in local government….

Traditional nudists support the move. One told the paper that they had moved to the area because they wanted “a natural life” but that they had ended up living “surrounded by wild animals”.

The mayor said that he would consider the complaints but had already done all he could to keep the two groups apart.

I hate to break it to you but it doesn’t get much more “natural” than wild animals …. frankly getting potential sex partners to be both nude in the same place at the same time is like 95% of the work … It’s a full-time job for most of the world. If you throw people out there already at this stage of the game it would be ridiculous and “unnatural” to expect anything  else to happen.  

Clearly the Libertines have already “gotten to” the local politicians. I’m guessing they can be very persuasive, if you know what I mean. Based on politicians behavior in the clothed world I suspect this tactic is very successful.

Look there’s certain things we do to allow us as a people to control our natural instincts enough that we can have a productive society. Wearing clothes is one of these things, you do away with these safe guards and this was bound to happen…. So enjoy it.

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