ummmmm ……. seriously

Well this makes perfect sense …. I mean when you think historical figures that are perfect for the next great rom com or sweeping epic romantic drama who else comes to mind but Karl Marx. I mean at the mere mention of Karl Marx the eroticism just jumps off the page. You think the twilight mania was bad just wait till the ladies get ahold of this

Image via Wikipedia

that is one hot hunk of manwich right there …. you thought JT brought sexy back, but you have no idea…..

…. I can’t believe it took so long for someone to write this. And forget sonnets, love songs, works of art, or beaches at sunset nothing and I mean nothing gets the romantic juices flowing like 160 year old economic and political theory.  The potential new Viagra commercials practically write themselves. Whats next  a retelling of a christmas carol except with Stalin in the place of the Scrooge . Imagine Lenin uttering the “you had me at hello *tear*” line…..

So things aren’t looking so good in the print medium, but at least we can look to film for some quality entertainment

hold on just a second as I’m currently trying to stab myself in the eye with a pencil ……

So this pretty much makes the Geico caveman sitcom look like a brilliant idea. I mean in virtually every photo he’s ever taken Abraham Lincoln looks like

He’s seconds away from jumping up and kicking some vampire ass …… I mean look at the absolute Joie de Vivre and excitement radiating from ole honest Abe …. This guy is custom made to be an action hero. And with all the mass hysteria over vampires this will give Abe just the right exposure to prime to pump for the buddy comedy he’s shooting next with Jackie Chan ….where Lincoln is a disgruntled old cop who can’t get over the fact to Mary Todd left him for Karl Marx (as discussed above you can’t really blame her). Jackie Chan gets assigned to be Abe’s partner and teaches him to start living and loving life again all in the mist of them busting up an international drug ring led by some of the top cops in the department ….. I can smell the Oscar already.

I guess they got tired of making shit remakes of old movies so now its time to try to making shitty new movies with old characters….