Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Treatise on Styrofoam Boxes

February 24, 2012 Leave a comment

ok one more time




any questions


Categories: Rants Tags: , , ,

Designated Driver is a Life Saver

August 1, 2011 Leave a comment

It looks like our buddy Mikie Mikes got some competition for father of the year: The father of the year is back!!

LIVINGSTON – A Mississippi man was arrested Saturday and accused of allowing his 8-year-old son to drive his pickup truck while the man slept in the passenger seat, aLouisiana State Policespokeswoman said.

Just after 6:30 a.m., troopers received a call from a concerned motorist traveling west on Interstate 12 nearHolden, Trooper Melissa Matey said.

The motorist said a child appeared to be driving a greenChevroletpickup truck erratically along the interstate, Matey said.

Troopers pulled the truck over just west of La. 447 inLivingston Parishand determined that an 8-year-old boy was driving the truck, Matey said.

The boy’s 4-year-old sister was in the back seat of the truck’s cab, Matey said. The boy’s father, Billy Joe Madden, 28, ofHattiesburg, Miss., was in the front passenger seat.

After interviewing Madden, troopers concluded the man was intoxicated and had been sleeping while his son drove the vehicle, Matey said. The family was traveling from Hattiesburg to Dallas.

The boy and girl were turned over toChild Protective Servicesto await the arrival of a family member, Matey said.

Madden was arrested and booked into the Livingston Parish Jail on two counts of child desertion and no child restraint. He was booked on one count each of parent allowing a minor to drive, open container and no seat belt. Bail was set at $1,474.

Child desertion?? He was sitting right there …. I mean c’mon police these days, every time they pull you over they want to try to charge you with everything but the Kennedy Assassination …… We got a parent here who is trying to help his son get ahead by teaching him important life skills at a young age, and at the same time teaching both his kids the value of having a designated driver. And some self righteous do-gooder has to stick their nose in where it doesn’t belong and get the law involved….

Ironically these children actually would have been better off it they had been deserted. Some how I was not surprised to see our friend was not wearing a shirt when he was brought in. It’s absolute poetic justice that this occured in Livingstone Parish.

What I still don’t get is how the hell does an eight year old child drive a car? How can he possibly reach the pedals??

and bail $1,474 are kidding me I’ve had my bail higher than that every time I’ve gotten arrested, and while far from a decent human being my level of jackassism hasn’t yet risen to the level of international news (fear not there’s still time).

where was the mother in all this? Maybe she was this chick: A Good Woman is Hard to Find.

Now this may not look good for Louisiana, but at least we’re not Idaho. Billy Joe Madden does look like he is probably on the Livingston Parish city council, but at least he’s not a STATE SENATOR …..Police: State senator stole truck after drinking

Here again we have a dedicated public servant simply trying to teach a lesson about not leaving your keys in your car, and all people can do is harass him….

Apparently the driver, who deputies say was Senator John McGee, was trying to turn the rig around. Carleton’s sons then said the driver ran around the house and up and down the gravel road. Carleton found him in the back seat.

“He said he was looking for the promised land,” Carleton said. “He didn’t know where he was at. He was dazed and confused. He was in another world.”

Yes the “promise land” isn’t that what we are all looking for Johnny …. I guess we can rule out the Idaho State Senate and the back seat of a stolen truck as possible locations….

This only underscores the wisdom of our original protagonist , Mr. Madden,  because clearly the mistake Senator McGee made was not bringing along one of his small children to take the wheel when things got hairy.

Remember the designated driver is a life saver.

STOPPPP Grammy Time!!! oh woo oh woo

February 14, 2011 Leave a comment

The Grammies were last night, I didn’t watch it because I have much better things to do with my time ….. and I’ve got absolutly nothing going on ….. I spent part of the time shredding old mail, and another portion cleaning my belly button. This says something about the grammies award show (not nessicarly the award). Honestly I think i’ve seen lady gaga be an attention whore and Justin Bieber prancing around somewhere before …..OH YEA ….. every god damn time i turn on, look at, or even get near any sort of media device…… I can’t get away from it ….. the best tweet i saw all night on the grammies was “if Lady Gaga REALLY wants to suprise everyone, why doesn’t she just show up in a normal outfit? Everyone would just die”

I did however look at some pictures on TMZ this morning and thats pretty much the same thing as being there so i will endevor to break it down for you.

First things first my golden child of the music business La Roux WON A GRAMMY for best dance album of the year. Everyone knows about my La Roux obsession so as expected I was happy about this. CONGRATULATIONs it was well deserved.

This girl here is like the anti-Kelly Osbourne ……errrrr…..wait that IS KELLY OSBOURNE are you freaking kidding me…..I bet I could have given you a million guesses and you would have never guessed this was Kelly Osbourne WTF happened she looks like she strolled over to the gig from her sorority house at USC. She does look good here no doubt but I have mixed feelings.

Ummmm do those jeans have a rubber nipple in the back that you hook your vacuum to and suck all the air out to vacuum seal them to your legs and balls….Like those space saver travel bags….I know you’ve fully come out and all but that still doesn’t justify this….

I didn’t realize Athena was nominated for anything this year……and where is Zeus (I bet the tabloids are buzzing about that).

Is that he-man wearing a red wig and a dress? P.S. you’re at the Grammies would it kill your hipster ass to crack a smile or at least not look like some one just told you to take out the trash, or wash the dishes…..


I see the traditional use of massive amounts of cocaine (most likely along with some potent psychedelics) is still alive and well in the music business. Some things are sacred.

where to even begin….I almost had to skip this one b/c her outfit is giving me vertigo….Seventy year Italian women working the make-up counter at Sears in New Jersey think that’s tacky. What can you expected from some one with a fake ass (literally). Here’s a rule of thumb if you’re going to suck, at least suck being yourself ….we already have Lady Gaga…and before that we had Madonna (the only one of the three that made good music, which is a problem since theoretically they are all 3 musicians).  Nicki Minaj is clearly something that was put together by some MBA‘s in a board room by people trying to create “what americans want”. This my friends is their best effort…..and they wonder why they can’t make any money any more….. here is a hint ONE THING THAT WE WANT OUT OF OUR MUSICIANS IS THAT THEY MAKE MUSIC THAT IS GOOD (see la roux above) AND THAT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN IN A BOARD ROOM OR VIA A VIDEO CONFERENCE. SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO FIND SOME TALENT and, and this part is very important BY TALENT I MEAN MUSICAL TALENT NOT PORN POTENTIAL TALENT NOT SOMEONE YOU SAW ON A STRIPPER POLE THAT YOU FIGURED WILL SLAP SOME ASS IMPLANTS ON HER AND WE GOT A HIT……..if I want porn i’ll go watch porn, and the people that feel about fashion the way I feel about porn, when they want fashion they can go look at fashion BUT when we are looking for MUSIC from MUSICIAN what we are looking for is …. wait for it …. GOOD MUSIC … I know there has been some musicians that have become style icons etc. but people forget the ones that have done it were really good musicians first (madonna, david bowie to name a few) who just happen to have the other things along with it BUT YOU CAN’T SKIP THE MUSIC PART…..alright enough with that.

hmmmm new rule puffy shoulders don’t really work if you’re under 4’10”, you’re getting dangrously close to the hedgehog look.

You’re probably asking right now why not the hate for snooki like for Nicki Minaj? Because Snooki and all the Jersey Shore kids are who they are they’re not trying to be something they’re not. They’re were not trying to synthetically appeal to what people who have never been any where but Manhattan and LA think “americans want” they are how they are and they do what they do love it or hate it. I think that’s why the show was shocking to some people and why it has worked in part….take note music business we want people who are who they are regardless of what that is (see la roux above).

Since they made you leave your pistols in the green room you probably should have left your holster there too, and typically it is worn under your jacket. I just say that because I appreciate the attempt to at a very respectful, appropriate, and classy outfit but you TOTALLY fucked it up by wearing that OSHA safety harness over it. It’s just an awards show my friend I don’t think you have to be tied off for this one……..

This one was in the section “cute couples” but to capture the cute couple here they should have made the shot:

Oh and when did Steve Buscemi get married to J-Lo …. I guess that’s why he hasn’t made any movies in a while… If I was married to J-Lo I’d be prrrrrettttty busy myself…. might not see me around too often either.

how short do you have to be to make Paul Wall look tall….that dude must be a gnome….

Ponch put out a new album this year?

You and your bubby’s went through all the trouble to get all dressed up in expensive slick suits and roll out like a wanna be brat pack (or the guys from Swingers) and you go and screw it all up by not shaving……this is important the sound you hear in the back ground is your 15 minutes ticking down and then all you will have is the memories, memories you F#$%ed up by not shaving……

There you have it an all access inside pass to the Grammies. Now it’s like you were actually there also. So until we meet again I bid you adieu.

~Le Singe

Tru dat

October 30, 2010 Leave a comment

I present to you the “Spirrit of Truth” it starts getting good at about 3:45 … you fucking nincome fucking poop ….

The devil is a mutha @#$%ing liar



I’m @#$%ing pissed…..

October 20, 2010 2 comments

that’s right I’m extra frickin pissed right now and its time to let’er rip and get some things off my chest….

There is this guy at work that keeps calling me Bobby he has been doing it for years. Periodically I correct him but it’s like he doesn’t even know what I’m saying. The most resent time I corrected him he stared perplexed at me for like 30 sec. and then was like “….. oh I thought you were someone else…” 

I almost blew my top I was like “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you didn’t think I was some one else …. you just CAN’T GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT MY NAME IS  B   I  L   L   Y ”

For fuck sake I saw him in the cafeteria ten minutes ago … “hey bobby how you doing” …. me …”I’m fanfuckingtastic”. Now in this case I can say something that I rarely ever get to say and that is: I think the problem here is him and not me, really everything you need to know about this guys begins and ends with the fact that he wears a Members Only jacket on a regular basis … and not in an attempt to be on trend with the retro 80’s thing that’s going on ….. but in a I bought this jacket in 1985 and have been wearing consistently ever since type of way …. so clearly he is a little out of touch with “what’s going on”. I mean he is a nice guy and all but I still want to smack the shit out of him every time he calls me bobby. Maybe next time I’ll tell him “yes that s right it’s me bobby BUT just yesterday I got my name legally changed to Billy …..”





is up with all these god damn passwords I just counted and to do my work on, lets say a weekly basis, I need no less than 7……

yes 7

no I’m not kidding seven

S.  E.  V.  E.  N.

moutherfuckingsevengoddamn passwords. That is totally totally out of control. It’s not like we are holding the recipe for the secret damn sauce that’s on Big Mac‘s or something …. it’s the freaking highway department ….. the information on our computer systems make me want to stab myself in the eye … AND I’M GETTING PAID TO DEAL WITH IT there is no way that some teenager in eastern europe is going to waste their time trying to break in here……

Just to make things fun and add another level “HA HA” (nelson style) to the whole thing …. at least half of them have to be CHANGED EVERY MONTH ….

WAIT I’m lying …. and this is the  Pièce de résistance of the whole dirty Sanchez ….. you don’t have to change them every month you have to change them every 30 days

and why the hell did someone come up with the idea that all the months should have different number of days … can’t they all be the same except for February and then just make February what ever it needs to be to work things out ….. because really I’ve got enough problem without all this BS.

SO I feel much better now you can all return to your regularly scheduled programing………….

Categories: Rants Tags: , ,

Sister Wives ……. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little…..

October 7, 2010 12 comments

As I have documented Tv in this country is becoming a clear visual record of the deterioration of western civilization, but now we’ve hit a new low….

Have you seen the ads for this ‘Sister Wives‘ show? Unbelievable are you freaking kidding me, at first I just assumed that it couldn’t possible be a show about polygamy, so I thought it must be something else and they are using the title as a sort of double entendre in order to raise curiosity about the show.


As per usual I’ve been expecting way too much from TLC …. ‘The Learning Channel … how can they call it that. With shows like this, “I didn’t know I was Pregnant”, and “Paralyzed and Pregnant” The Learning Channel has literally become trashier than VH1 (and that is a pretty damn epic thing to be able to say).

The show is about some guy who is married to 3 different women (and has a fiancée). I think the wives are not actually sisters although it would be even better if they were, they just tell people they’re sisters to hide the fact that they’re dirty polygamist …. which is smart since they are now displaying the fact that they are polygamist on national TV. Some people are into polygamy for religious reasons, but it is painfully obvious that this Ed Hardy wearing douche is nothing more than a good old fashion hustler. On one of the commercials it shows him talking to one of the wives and she is like “I can’t help it I have these jealousy issues….” hmmmmmm I wonder why that could be ….. maybe it has something to do with the fact that YOUR HUSBAND IS MARRIED TO TWO OTHER WOMAN AND HAS A GIRLFRIEND…… and if you look through the wives and girlfriends it becomes obvious that he is simply trading in on a new model every few years … in point:



together they have 13 children who suspiciously resemble “the children of the corn” … so riddle me this if you’re properly caring for and emotionally sharing yourself with 3 different wives and 13 children how the hell do you find time to meet and court a girlfriend …. ? Answer you don’t. My personal opinion is that  the new wife who appears much more “uptown” and obviously much younger than the rest of the harem is most likely an actress hired by TLC since apparently the plot line of the show is the surprise of a “new wife” and how everyone deals with it…….

One review explains:

The family is not breaking any laws since only one of the marriages is legal and the rest are “commitment marriages,” and right off the bat there’s a big announcement that will affect the family’s future — you guessed it, a fourth sister wife.

COMMITMENT MARRIAGES …. wtf …. I don’t think you get it ….. when people say they are in a committed relationship they mean they are committed to not seeing (I’m guessing marrying is included in “seeing”) other people. How can you have a COMMITTED marriage with someone who is MARRIED TO TWO OTHER WOMEN AND HAS A GIRLFRIEND …. It’s easy really you have zero self-esteem, and hustlers like Mr. Brown are very skilled at picking you out of the crowd.

As it sank into me, after seeing the commercials several times, that this was in fact a show on polygamy my main thought was isn’t that illegal how the hell can they have a show documenting someone breaking the law. low and behold:

Judgment Day in ‘Sister Wives’ Polygamy Case

The Utah County Attorney has confirmed … the Lehi Police Department has completed their felony bigamy investigation into Kody Brown and his gigantic family — and the case has been turned over to the Utah County Attorney … who will ultimately decide whether or not to charge the family with a crime..

ooooh looks like taping and broadcasting to the nation your criminal lifestyle was not such a good idea…..

Kody Brown — who has 3 wives, a fiancée and 13 children — claims he was aware of the risk he was taking when he decided to put his family on the TLC reality show … but insists it was a “risk worth taking.”

Translation I wanted a nice payday, I obviously don’t care how my actions impact anyone but myself, publicly displaying that I have 4 wives who are shooting out children for me right and left makes me feel more “manly”, and I think I’m smooth enough to charm my way out of any trouble. This is how hustlers (con men, psychopaths) think further demonstrating his true nature. He doesn’t care at all how the consequences of  all this effect his family or children anymore than he cares what type of impact marring and dating other women has on his wive(s).

Although I find this distasteful, at the end of the day what these people do is their business, and not anything I would get involved in, BUT once you bring it to reality TV it’s everyone’s business. This is what really pisses me off that this guy is attempting to profit from his questionable lifestyle, and he tries to pass it off as “ok” or “normal”. If you want to be a creep thats your business, but don’t come to me, or go on air, trying to pass it off as “ok”. I hope they get convicted primarily since in most places it is illegal for a criminal to profit from their crimes. In this case it would be prefect punishment for this douche, who is using his wife and kids (who he already treats like shit) to make a quick buck, to end up going through all this and getting nothing.

P.S. – shame on anyone who watches this trash you are part of the problem …. people complain about Larry Flint et al. but frankly the stuff they have on TLC now days is much more vulgar than a titty…. or people having sex.

On to the next one …

September 21, 2010 Leave a comment


You have “Jesus” tattooed on your wrist …. ?

Q: What does Katy Perry‘s tattoo say on her wrist?
A:Katy Perry‘s wrist tattoo says “Jesus.” She said she got it when she was 18 because she knew it would always be a part of her.
Her wrist …. she always knew her wrist would be part of her? Don’t get me wrong I’m totally down with the Jesus, but tattooed on your wrist …. just don’t be “that guy/girl”. I think this is the last straw …
THIS TIME we are really through …. and I’m

 this was always the plan anyway…

errr sorry I promise more actually blog posts soon I’ve been busy and feeling uninspired….

~Le Singe

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