Lana Del Rey, The Drums, and Emma Watson walk in to a bar ….. stop me if you’ve heard this one….

so i just heard this Lana Del Rey song “born to die”

It’s really really really good. Her voice is prefect for this song it matches the spooky bitter-sweet sound which also fits the mood of the song perfectly. Honestly I rushed out to listen to all her other stuff after I heard this and found I don’t really like any of it (not really passing judgement just saying I don’t like it). It just one of those times where everything comes together to make a truly great song. Though I no doubt everything she does is light years ahead of the Katy Perry et. al. crap that’s on the radio these days. So why haven’t I heard this on the radio yet while at the same time top 40 radio basically just repeats the same five songs in constant rotation which consist of Adele plus four songs that suck shit…..

Then I heard this amazing tune by The Drums called “Days”

Again really really good, BUT again I don’t like any of their other stuff and ….. honestly with these guys I think its ok actually say that all their other stuff its terrible, because ….. all their other stuff is terrible. It’s kinda  weird

And then, i usually don’t find women with a boy hair cut to be that attractive, and I’ve never really found Emma Watson to be all that attractive either (understand we are talk about relative to the model/movie star scale so don’t get it twisted) BUT this just blew my freakin mind =

Utterly and completely gorgeous like I’m speechless. I do love my brown-eyed women.

Oh yeah and I started a tumblr

I’m also on pinterest.

Tracks Rocking My World This Week

Really Liking this one right now

Of course she was going to be on the list

Great song by one of my all time favorites and probably the most under rated band ever

you know you like it…

whaaaaaaaaaaaa

Great….

Now along with every thing else i have to worry about my internet browsers self esteam…..

Ironicaly when I was using ie7 I didn’t get this message i upgrade to ie9 and now my browser is out of date….. not sure how the math works on that one.

Seen on the Interweb This Week

@kreayshawn you had me at “bitch you ain’t a barbie, I seen you work at arbys” *tear*

hurry up I’m starving….

This is Kreayshawn she is a rapper. BUT she is also a video shooter -> edit0r -> director. This is her demo reel from the summer 2009 (kinda dated but what you gonna do) of course i love the song…

sometimes she is in videos

sometimes she gets interviewed with creepy dudes behind her

Rapper+shooter+editor+director+personality das a five tool playa. Whatever “it” is shes got some of it I think she has a chance.

From Zero to GHETTO in 1.25 seconds….

Another reason to love Tosh, he just tweeted this video. I had seen this on Facebook a couple of years ago but could not find it anywhere (not that I looked too hard mine you). This basically sums up how I feel every time I go to Livingston Parish…..

which reminds me of this classic, I can’t believe the co-anchor finished the lead out to commercial with a straight face and even voice he must be some kind of zen Buddhist monk ….. or a robot…

and too round things out this…..people at fox news seem to be obsessed with dick….hmmmm…. the black cock helicopter was a true classic….. PAGING DR. FREUD.

The interwebz explains everything……It knows all, sees all…

sometimes only the internet is the only thing that can make sense of the things that keep obsessive compolisive, narsasistic, self loathing, ego maniac, weirdos like me up at night.

sooooooo fun b/c it is sooooo true.

Flowchart: Why Hasn’t the Person You Texted Responded Yet?

STOPPPP Grammy Time!!! oh woo oh woo

The Grammies were last night, I didn’t watch it because I have much better things to do with my time ….. and I’ve got absolutly nothing going on ….. I spent part of the time shredding old mail, and another portion cleaning my belly button. This says something about the grammies award show (not nessicarly the award). Honestly I think i’ve seen lady gaga be an attention whore and Justin Bieber prancing around somewhere before …..OH YEA ….. every god damn time i turn on, look at, or even get near any sort of media device…… I can’t get away from it ….. the best tweet i saw all night on the grammies was “if Lady Gaga REALLY wants to suprise everyone, why doesn’t she just show up in a normal outfit? Everyone would just die”

I did however look at some pictures on TMZ this morning and thats pretty much the same thing as being there so i will endevor to break it down for you.

First things first my golden child of the music business La Roux WON A GRAMMY for best dance album of the year. Everyone knows about my La Roux obsession so as expected I was happy about this. CONGRATULATIONs it was well deserved.

This girl here is like the anti-Kelly Osbourne ……errrrr…..wait that IS KELLY OSBOURNE are you freaking kidding me…..I bet I could have given you a million guesses and you would have never guessed this was Kelly Osbourne WTF happened she looks like she strolled over to the gig from her sorority house at USC. She does look good here no doubt but I have mixed feelings.

Ummmm do those jeans have a rubber nipple in the back that you hook your vacuum to and suck all the air out to vacuum seal them to your legs and balls….Like those space saver travel bags….I know you’ve fully come out and all but that still doesn’t justify this….

I didn’t realize Athena was nominated for anything this year……and where is Zeus (I bet the tabloids are buzzing about that).

Is that he-man wearing a red wig and a dress? P.S. you’re at the Grammies would it kill your hipster ass to crack a smile or at least not look like some one just told you to take out the trash, or wash the dishes…..

 

I see the traditional use of massive amounts of cocaine (most likely along with some potent psychedelics) is still alive and well in the music business. Some things are sacred.

where to even begin….I almost had to skip this one b/c her outfit is giving me vertigo….Seventy year Italian women working the make-up counter at Sears in New Jersey think that’s tacky. What can you expected from some one with a fake ass (literally). Here’s a rule of thumb if you’re going to suck, at least suck being yourself ….we already have Lady Gaga…and before that we had Madonna (the only one of the three that made good music, which is a problem since theoretically they are all 3 musicians).  Nicki Minaj is clearly something that was put together by some MBA‘s in a board room by people trying to create “what americans want”. This my friends is their best effort…..and they wonder why they can’t make any money any more….. here is a hint ONE THING THAT WE WANT OUT OF OUR MUSICIANS IS THAT THEY MAKE MUSIC THAT IS GOOD (see la roux above) AND THAT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN IN A BOARD ROOM OR VIA A VIDEO CONFERENCE. SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO FIND SOME TALENT and, and this part is very important BY TALENT I MEAN MUSICAL TALENT NOT PORN POTENTIAL TALENT NOT SOMEONE YOU SAW ON A STRIPPER POLE THAT YOU FIGURED WILL SLAP SOME ASS IMPLANTS ON HER AND WE GOT A HIT……..if I want porn i’ll go watch porn, and the people that feel about fashion the way I feel about porn, when they want fashion they can go look at fashion BUT when we are looking for MUSIC from MUSICIAN what we are looking for is …. wait for it …. GOOD MUSIC … I know there has been some musicians that have become style icons etc. but people forget the ones that have done it were really good musicians first (madonna, david bowie to name a few) who just happen to have the other things along with it BUT YOU CAN’T SKIP THE MUSIC PART…..alright enough with that.

hmmmm new rule puffy shoulders don’t really work if you’re under 4’10”, you’re getting dangrously close to the hedgehog look.

You’re probably asking right now why not the hate for snooki like for Nicki Minaj? Because Snooki and all the Jersey Shore kids are who they are they’re not trying to be something they’re not. They’re were not trying to synthetically appeal to what people who have never been any where but Manhattan and LA think “americans want” they are how they are and they do what they do love it or hate it. I think that’s why the show was shocking to some people and why it has worked in part….take note music business we want people who are who they are regardless of what that is (see la roux above).

Since they made you leave your pistols in the green room you probably should have left your holster there too, and typically it is worn under your jacket. I just say that because I appreciate the attempt to at a very respectful, appropriate, and classy outfit but you TOTALLY fucked it up by wearing that OSHA safety harness over it. It’s just an awards show my friend I don’t think you have to be tied off for this one……..

This one was in the section “cute couples” but to capture the cute couple here they should have made the shot:

Oh and when did Steve Buscemi get married to J-Lo …. I guess that’s why he hasn’t made any movies in a while… If I was married to J-Lo I’d be prrrrrettttty busy myself…. might not see me around too often either.

how short do you have to be to make Paul Wall look tall….that dude must be a gnome….

Ponch put out a new album this year?

You and your bubby’s went through all the trouble to get all dressed up in expensive slick suits and roll out like a wanna be brat pack (or the guys from Swingers) and you go and screw it all up by not shaving……this is important the sound you hear in the back ground is your 15 minutes ticking down and then all you will have is the memories, memories you F#$%ed up by not shaving……

There you have it an all access inside pass to the Grammies. Now it’s like you were actually there also. So until we meet again I bid you adieu.

~Le Singe

Don’t mess with a Guido’s sneakers

A few times in the history of humanity certain individuals have twisted and bent the spoken word and molded it into something beautiful that is timeless and can even come to define an era….

“ask not what your country can do for you ask what you can do for your country”

“give me liberty or give me death”

“Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, “This was their finest hour!”

“Friends, Romans, Country men…”

“Four Score and seven years ago”

“Thou shall not ….yada yada yada”

“Release the hounds”

And last night ladies and gentlemen a utterance that is sure to at least equal those above was unleashed upon the world…

“I’m over here trying to clean my sneakers. I can’t concentrate, all this fighting. They’re talking about relationships, my sneakers are dirty.” — DJ Pauly D

That’s right Jersey shore has again added a scrap to the very cultural fabric of our times….

I’d love to write something more about this but in searching for a clip of it I found this article that was in the most literal sence Laugh Out Loud funny you’re going to want to read this if you watched last nights episode (it’s ok we’re in the trust tree here it’s ok to admit you watch…)

‘Jersey Shore’ Season 3, Episode 7 Recap

Here is a few gems just a recap of the high points to encourage you to have a read…

I don’t expect the fallout from Sammi and Ronnie’s break-up to be much different. In fact, if I thought Sammi were capable, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ronnie woke up with a severed horse’s head between his legs.

Unfortunately, as with any break-up, it’s the children who suffer. What will become of little Snooki and The Situation? Will they have the strength to hit the gym? Can they find it in themselves to get to Karma? Will they be able to see the bigger picture and lure drunken tourists back to the house with the disorienting mélange of Axe, bronzer and Nicorette? We can only hope……

 

Ronnie was too busy thinking about confronting Mike to care. “He instigated my mistakes.” I don’t know what that means, but Ronnie wasted no time letting Mike know how he felt. When Mike tried to defend himself, the Great Bro-Off of 2011 was underway. There’s a difference between being neutral and playing both sides, and Mike was just playing neutral.

Then Mike did something extremely insane: He admitted his guilt and asked for forgiveness. This prompted Pauly to exclaim, “Maybe Mike gave him some like, voodoo trick or something like that.” One indication that your life is out of balance is when you assume being a decent, humble person is some sort of voodoo magic conjured up by dark spirits of decency.

the bolded part nearly made me piss myself….

When Snooki and Deena are advising you just to have some fun without sex, your life has reached a low point. So, Sammi followed their advice — kind of.

 

This relationship has a high road and a low road, but the high road is under construction and just leads you back down to the low road anyway, right in front of an Arby’s.

 

Sam eventually came home into the lion’s den, but with no lion and all her belongings obliterated out of spite. Then, from the rubble, Sammi pulled out her glasses, smashed to pieces, and it was ON! You can take my dignity and treat me like an animal, but my eye-glasses are sacred.

 

Mike, in his second moment of clarity in reference to the “guy code” wondered, “Where’s general human code?” If general human code existed anywhere near these people, the show wouldn’t exist, and Sammi and Ronnie would have split up without incident in Miami. 

 

 I’m not sure what was worse, watching Snooki make love to a plate of nachos, or Deena saying “He had camel toe going on on his penis and everything.” That’s right. The camel toe was on everything.

 

Ronnie had an emotional breakdown, clinging to Sammi while sobbing into her shoulder. It was hard to tell if it was a Xenadrine side effect or genuine heartbreak,

Good stuff and he didn’t even touch on one of my favorite parts where ronnie throws sammi’s bed out the window (while she is not in the room). Then she is coming up the stairs with snooki and deena and is like “…..look at what my bed looks like….*GASP*….where is my bed…”.

Oh and speaking of deena W…T….F how’d she get on the show….It appears that the “casting couch” is alive and well as an institution in the garden state….

AAAaaaanndd why is there a designated “smush” room in the house? The whole damn house is a smush room….If anything they should have a special “no smush” room. It could function kinda like an air lock or something ….a room you go into to be de-loused and given a penicillin shot before you can be re-released into society….

I leave you with some choice quotes from last night and the authors comments.

Head-Shaking Quotes:

“We’ll see who gets the next laugh.” — Sammi
I’m gonna bet it’s me.

“It’s a whole bag full of condoms.” –Roger
 That’s a weird answer to “what time is it?”

“How could you sit there
and look me in the face
watch me cry
and lie to my face.” — Sammi, to Ronnie
Is that Keats or Wordsworth?

“She’s gonna have 100 percent more better time with us than with Ron. No offense.” — Snooki
Of all your offenses, this one is insufferable.

“”I’m over here trying to clean my sneakers. I can’t concentrate, all this fighting. They’re talking about relationships, my sneakers are dirty.” — Pauly
Ladies and gentlemen, DJ Pauly D.

“It smells like vaginas.” — Snooki
Snooki’s new fragrance line.

“The one time I do something out of spite is not OK with you … [*belch*]” — Sammi
You’re right. You should at least get a couple rounds of practice spite.

Some times it takes a child to teach us adults something

I thought I was doing my part to glorify bacon, the holiest of holiest, the king of kings which has given us so much …. then I see this!

Ya boy has taken it to a whole nother level. This kind of dedication to bacon is legendary and in one so young he truly must be the chosen one … (i’m weeping openly right now)

all I can say is DAYAMN, it’s time for me to step my game up!!!

so with that in mind i’m going to go cook up a few skillets full and use the hot gease to wax the hair off my back AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!

LATERZ