Home > Uncategorized > Don’t mess with a Guido’s sneakers

Don’t mess with a Guido’s sneakers

A few times in the history of humanity certain individuals have twisted and bent the spoken word and molded it into something beautiful that is timeless and can even come to define an era….

ask not what your country can do for you ask what you can do for your country”

“give me liberty or give me death”

“Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, “This was their finest hour!”

Friends, Romans, Country men…”

“Four Score and seven years ago”

“Thou shall not ….yada yada yada”

“Release the hounds”

And last night ladies and gentlemen a utterance that is sure to at least equal those above was unleashed upon the world…

“I’m over here trying to clean my sneakers. I can’t concentrate, all this fighting. They’re talking about relationships, my sneakers are dirty.” — DJ Pauly D

That’s right Jersey shore has again added a scrap to the very cultural fabric of our times….

I’d love to write something more about this but in searching for a clip of it I found this article that was in the most literal sence Laugh Out Loud funny you’re going to want to read this if you watched last nights episode (it’s ok we’re in the trust tree here it’s ok to admit you watch…)

‘Jersey Shore’ Season 3, Episode 7 Recap

Here is a few gems just a recap of the high points to encourage you to have a read…

I don’t expect the fallout from Sammi and Ronnie’s break-up to be much different. In fact, if I thought Sammi were capable, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ronnie woke up with a severed horse’s head between his legs.

Unfortunately, as with any break-up, it’s the children who suffer. What will become of little Snooki and The Situation? Will they have the strength to hit the gym? Can they find it in themselves to get to Karma? Will they be able to see the bigger picture and lure drunken tourists back to the house with the disorienting mélange of Axe, bronzer and Nicorette? We can only hope……

 

Ronnie was too busy thinking about confronting Mike to care. “He instigated my mistakes.” I don’t know what that means, but Ronnie wasted no time letting Mike know how he felt. When Mike tried to defend himself, the Great Bro-Off of 2011 was underway. There’s a difference between being neutral and playing both sides, and Mike was just playing neutral.

Then Mike did something extremely insane: He admitted his guilt and asked for forgiveness. This prompted Pauly to exclaim, “Maybe Mike gave him some like, voodoo trick or something like that.” One indication that your life is out of balance is when you assume being a decent, humble person is some sort of voodoo magic conjured up by dark spirits of decency.

the bolded part nearly made me piss myself….

When Snooki and Deena are advising you just to have some fun without sex, your life has reached a low point. So, Sammi followed their advice — kind of.

 

This relationship has a high road and a low road, but the high road is under construction and just leads you back down to the low road anyway, right in front of an Arby’s.

 

Sam eventually came home into the lion’s den, but with no lion and all her belongings obliterated out of spite. Then, from the rubble, Sammi pulled out her glasses, smashed to pieces, and it was ON! You can take my dignity and treat me like an animal, but my eye-glasses are sacred.

 

Mike, in his second moment of clarity in reference to the “guy code” wondered, “Where’s general human code?” If general human code existed anywhere near these people, the show wouldn’t exist, and Sammi and Ronnie would have split up without incident in Miami

 

 I’m not sure what was worse, watching Snooki make love to a plate of nachos, or Deena saying “He had camel toe going on on his penis and everything.” That’s right. The camel toe was on everything.

 

Ronnie had an emotional breakdown, clinging to Sammi while sobbing into her shoulder. It was hard to tell if it was a Xenadrine side effect or genuine heartbreak,

Good stuff and he didn’t even touch on one of my favorite parts where ronnie throws sammi’s bed out the window (while she is not in the room). Then she is coming up the stairs with snooki and deena and is like “…..look at what my bed looks like….*GASP*….where is my bed…”.

Oh and speaking of deena W…T….F how’d she get on the show….It appears that the “casting couch” is alive and well as an institution in the garden state….

AAAaaaanndd why is there a designated “smush” room in the house? The whole damn house is a smush room….If anything they should have a special “no smush” room. It could function kinda like an air lock or something ….a room you go into to be de-loused and given a penicillin shot before you can be re-released into society….

I leave you with some choice quotes from last night and the authors comments.

Head-Shaking Quotes:

“We’ll see who gets the next laugh.” — Sammi
I’m gonna bet it’s me.

“It’s a whole bag full of condoms.” –Roger
 That’s a weird answer to “what time is it?”

“How could you sit there
and look me in the face
watch me cry
and lie to my face.” — Sammi, to Ronnie
Is that Keats or Wordsworth?

“She’s gonna have 100 percent more better time with us than with Ron. No offense.” — Snooki
Of all your offenses, this one is insufferable.

“”I’m over here trying to clean my sneakers. I can’t concentrate, all this fighting. They’re talking about relationships, my sneakers are dirty.” — Pauly
Ladies and gentlemen, DJ Pauly D.

“It smells like vaginas.” — Snooki
Snooki’s new fragrance line.

“The one time I do something out of spite is not OK with you … [*belch*]” — Sammi
You’re right. You should at least get a couple rounds of practice spite.

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