Don’t make Paul the Octopus Have to Choke a Bitch
We all remember Paul the octopus that rose to world fame by correctly predicting world cup games, then successfully parlayed his notoriety into a reality Tv show where he does an apprentice type show for animals with superstitious powers (contestants include Punxsutawney Phil and the stock picking chicken from the Sand Diego Zoo), and a high-ranking position in Goldman Sachs’ trading department. Well it seems that blasphemous westerners are not the only ones paying attention to this..
the Iranian president accused the octopus of spreading “western propaganda and superstition.” Paul was mentioned by Mr Ahmadinejad on various occasions during a speech in Tehran at the weekend.
Whoa champ it’s a freaking Octopus … Are you trying to be kind of similar to Hitler when he blamed the worlds problems on “international Jewry” and communism? Cus it’s really not going to work with an octopus …. I know you think you’re a bad ass, but frankly no one is going to be impressed by you blaming your problems on an Octopus … I know your people seem to be moved by this type of thing (because you’ll kill their ass if theydon’t appear this way), but internationally ranting on about a sea creature living in an aquarium isn’t exactly going get you a lot of street cred or make people start taking you seriously, unless you’re positioning yourself to pick up a slot on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour for when your career as a despot winds up.
“Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values,” he said.
He’s right you know us lowly octopus worshippers can never hope to rise to Iran’s vision of “human perfection” … which apparently involves among other things stoning people, honor killing, and in general being such incredible assholes that the entire world hates you. Maybe we should consult Paul about the future of your government b/c we all saw what happened last “election” you had and it’s already started coming unraveled. I predict that Paul and I will be laughing it up over some clams while they drag your ass to the guillotine.