Dear John Daly (and your pants) …. thanks alot buddy
[tweetmeme source=1billy1 only_single=false]I should have known….. this is what happens when you go to bat for a guy like John Daly …. as you know a few days ago I gave big ups, only half sarcastically, to John Daly for the jacket he wore to some British Open function on Wednesday. Now don’t get me wrong that jacket is pretty freaking terrible, but there’s more too it than just a jacket that looks like he made it out of the shower curtain from his cousin/brother-in-law’s trailer/methlab. See in this case other than the jacket Big John was dressed pretty sharply in a sleek all black ensemble. He really had the whole Johnny Cash “man in black” kinda of thing working. This was especially true based on his personal history, and since he wore it to such a haughty-toighty affair in such a haughty-toighty place. He really gave off the image of the outlaw, and I think a certain affection for the idea of the outlaw is imprinted on Americans DNA. So despite the hideousness of the jacket, on some level it really worked
But no sooner than I go public with my support for it, Big John goes out and does this
…. umm WTF …. Tony Little circa 1991 called said he is about to hit the gym and needs his pants back. While the jacket worked as part of an outfit and a look, these pants are straight up people of Wal-mart status (by the by if you’ve never been there you need to go … now …. the site not actual Wal-mart). There is just nothing in the world that can possibly explain or justify wearing those pants …. are you kidding me? Did he get them from Mc Hammers estate sale …. and to top it all off his girl friend was out on the course supporting him and sporting these:
Matching outfit’s …. are you kidding me. Do they have matching airbrushed tee-shirts they wear at night? This isn’t Gatlinburg, or an AARP bus trip to Graceland, or spring break in Panama City it’s the F%$&ING BRITISH OPEN … and matching outfits for couples stopping being acceptable right around the time Eve, on the advice of a serpent, touched her poutty lips to that apple …. when you’re hanging around the house or some such do whatever you want and I’ll silently snicker to myself … but dude you guys are in another country on international Tv you’re embarrassing all of us ….
Oh and who is this fair maiden you ask? The only thing I know about her is she is an ex Hooters waitress … honestly I’d of rather she wore the Hooters outfit, unless that meant the John would have matched his outfit to hers … which would have been a situation so perverse that not even my mind can contemplate it. Frankly when I heard Daly was sponsored by Hooters I assumed they were paying him in Booze and Chicken wings, but it looks like he took more of a Tigeresq route.
But don’t feel too bad for these two all this fine couture is all courtesy of Loudmouth Golf who also sponsors Daly. And as you would expect from the culture of the gilded age we are living in Daly and future ex-wife number 5 his girlfriends outfits have been the talk of every media outlet in the world possibly even above the tournament itself. I’m sure they are all doing pretty well. Furthermore I hear John Daly has sobered up (two years) and this is something to be greatly commended for, and what the hell if you’re gonna go out there and be a redneck you might as well blow it out all the way … frankly I will be shocked if these two don’t have a reality Tv show by the fall.
The only thing that could have made this any better is if Daly had actually won and we would have had a repeat of what happened the last time he won the British Open in 1995:
Maybe that guy is the future CEO of Loudmouth Golf, maybe this is how the two linked up in the first place …. although its more likely they met while getting drunk at Hooters!