Home > Rants > Da-nile ain’t just a river in Egypt

Da-nile ain’t just a river in Egypt

Jeremy London Kidnapped at Gunpoint, Forced to Take Drugs

umm kay I don’t know exactly what’s up here but I know its something.

And, for a short while, they did. And then they pulled a small hand gun on the actor and drove him around for more than 12 hours, during which time they forced him to smoke dope and hand out alcohol in a gang-riddled area of the city. 

For starters how many crack heads out there do you know who would not only let you share their crack, not only be ok with you having some of their crack, not only want you to have some of their crack, not only insist you smoke some of their crack, BUT FORCE YOU, AT GUN POINT, TO SMOKE THEIR CRACK …. Well they did stop to help him with his tire; maybe they’re a new breed of kinder gentler crack heads. In addition who would commit armed robbery just to have you ride around buying booze to hand out to people ….. and who that would do any of that would stop to help someone change a tire and not plan to rob them till he offered to give them a ride home …. hmmm well maybe .. no …. possibly ….. ah …. oh I’ve got it, it must be that THIS ENTIRE STORY IS HORSE SHIT …. yes that would explain it …. weird that a crack smoking drunk would lie though isn’t it ….*facepalm*

Then further down we read:

Making his recovery all the more difficult from the terrorizing event is the fact that London, currently in the midst of a divorce and custody battle, is a recovering drug addict. He has long gone public with his battle and last year entered rehab to deal with his affinity for prescription pills.

So here is my prediction of the “rest of the story” as Paul Harvey would say. Mr. London was in Palm Springs and it was a beautiful summers day and he said to himself “the only thing that could make this day better is smoke’an some crack and having a few cocktails” (funny how that never seems to work out the way you planned it). So he heads down to the “colorful” part of town to procure some rock cocaine whilst enjoying a bloody Mary to start the day. After stylishly puffing away on a few boulders it occurs to him that the prefect thing to do would be smoke some more crack…..repeat this sentence several more times. Final Mr. London decides I really just need one more “for the road”, but alas he has exhausted his funds, what to do? Perhaps there are a few good citizens out there in need of some spirits …. Spirits Mr. London could purchase via credit card and exchange for cash …. Once this runs dry Mr. London not ready for the fun to end, once more finds himself in a jam BUT not to worry b/c here enters our two good Sumerians …. Who out of the goodness of their hearts are willing to give him a few chunks in exchange for use of his car …. However there seems to have been a miscommunication between Mr. London and the two wise men over the time length of the lease. So finally Mr. London decides it’s been such a great day and it’s such a lovely evening that what the hell I’ll just walk back to my lodging.

The next day Mr. London awakes …. in a great mood I’m sure …  and realizes …. Oh crap …. There’s a bunch of credit card charges for liquor on my card so my wife’s divorce attorney family will know I’ve been drinking …. oh crap …. my cars gone and I have no money … Oh crap if I get drug tested it will come up positive for cocaine. As you can imagine he is in an extremely tight spot BUT that’s when we seem to do our best thinking ….. so what could explain me buying a bunch of alcohol spending all my money and losing my car and having cocaine in my system …. hmmm ….. I could blame it on Al Qaeda … no I used that last month ….. maybe I could put it on BP ….. WAIT I KNOW =>

and there you have it….

The sad thing is when we tell these stories they seem perfectly logical to us ….. and of course that is going to be the last time we ever do something like that (till the next time we do it) … and as they say many of us pursue this delusion to death. For the sake of Mr. London I hope the authorities don’t just blow this off I hope they investigate to the fullest and he gets in trouble. Not b/c I’m hateful or I don’t understand … I understand more than you could know … I hope he gets in trouble because it just might end up saving his life and it is really the only thing that has any chance of helping. Above I sarcastically referred to his adventures as a “great day”, but in reality compared to how these things often go down …. how they have gone down for more than one person I’ve known …. this really was a pretty good outcome. Sadly this will most likely have no effect on our sick (not bad) friend, he probably thinks he got unlucky and that he’ll “be more careful” next time …. then one of these days he’ll have a day like this where he will no longer be able to have the gift of getting in trouble and the divorce , his career, his family none of that will matter anymore. 

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  1. christyo
    June 18, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    beautifully written.

  2. lesinge32
    June 19, 2010 at 2:48 am

    thank you christy whats up with you and your better half you’ve been magnolia skippas. shame shame….

  1. June 18, 2010 at 11:10 pm
  2. June 24, 2010 at 4:29 pm

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