Fear poisons and moving day still does not exist………
So as you may know my good buddy Gustav got me some new skylights for my birthday (storm was on my birthday)……as a result I have not been able to live in my house since BUT now the work is done…..except its not really done because some stuff wasn’t done or was done half ass (more on this later) ……BUT it can be lived in, but I just haven’t done what I need to do to move back in, namely get a new mattress. I have been not moving and blaming it on the mattress but I have not been getting out and getting a mattress……..I have this horrible ability to hide from life and retreat into my cocoon….thank god its no longer drugs and alcohol but I have learned tough lessons over the last few years that I can still do it with out substances and get only marginally better results…..this is the second time in 3 years I have had to abandon my residence both times for good reason but both times I have delayed moving back in and not taken care of things I needed to ……Why……because of fear I’m gripped with unreasonable and excessive fear…….I only vaguely know what the fear is of BUT it is very real none the less it grips me and absolutely paralyzes me causing me to retreat into my cave and waste away missing out on the good life that is intended for us and is all around us……..A wise man once wrote fear should be class with stealing [its just as damaging] and how true this is…..fear of starting anew fear of dealing with the contractor the insurance etc. BUT I know the very simple (as opposed to complex) and hard (as opposed to easy) solution to this I ask god to remove my fear and ask what he would have me become and at once I commence to outgrow fear……
So tomorrow I go mattress shopping as soon as it is delivered I move then I deal with the remaining problems one step at a time and I sagway into the next chapter in my grand adventure and absorb all the joy of the highs a lows to come as I am pulled out of the quick sand and LIVE LIFE! We all know the value of life and for this chapter no more shall be wasted …..I will take to heart the poem I put in an earlier blog (the on bear Bryant carried with him)……….
This is the beginning of a new day.
God has given me this day to use as I will.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is very important because I am Exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever.
Leaving something in its place I have traded for it.
I want it to be a gain, not loss – good, not evil.
Success, not failure in order that I shall not forget the price I paid for it.
God I get chills every time I read that.
Recently a fortune cookie told me that many life changes (phrased in a positive way like maybe many new blessings or new opportunities I can’t remember the exact words) were coming and its time for me to jump in with both feet and gobble it all up…..I am curious to see what is coming down the pipe…….so for this chapter in the words of Mr. Churchill “……this is not the end it is not even the beginning of the end BUT it is perhaps the end of the beginning”