Hope swells only to be crushed; rules to live by..
I was in Wal-mart and there’s this desperate housewife type (she was a little too stylishly dress to be a soccer mom, closer maybe to the home wrecker type) in front of me in line. We were in the self checkout line and she has two items, a plastic bucket (maybe it was a flower pot idk) and a roll of contact paper. So she scans the bucket and I’m waiting for her to scan the contact paper and I see her hit the pay button and I was like wow this chick is going to try to steal the contact paper …..maybe she really is one of these desperate house wives married to a rich old man that does crazy stupid things like steal from wal-mart b/c they find their suburban life is so boring….I know she sees the contact paper she is looking right at it, but she is already paying…..I look to the door and see that there are not one but two of the Wal-mart senior citizen bag checkers ….now I’m really getting excited there is even the chance that I might actually get to see someone get tazed!!!!
(note: now would be a good time to mention the one of my personal ‘goals’ for ’08 is to see someone, preferably not me, get tazed)
I could barely contain myself when all of a sudden I see her pull out a different credit card and ring up the contact paper separately ….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO can I ever win….bah.
Also this weekend I was in gulfshores and I was eating in a restaurant, and it had a …salad bar…..there’s one fad I’m glad died out….. if I wanted to fix my own food I wouldn’t be eating at a eFF’ing restaurant. There was this crazy group sitting next to us it’s 3 50-60 year oldish men wearing tuxedos and a slightly younger women who is wearing a tennis outfit (including a short ass skirt)???? If that’s not odd enough there playing some game that involves weird dice and strange tiles…it was like some serious twilight zone crap. So this strange party reminded me of something very important…..
Which brings me to something I’ve been meaning to start. Seeing that I’ve lived a life in which I’ve messed up just about everything that can be messed up I feel that the positive side of that is I’ve picked up at least a little wisdom that I have been meaning to incorporate into some simple rules to live by and this is as good a place to start as any……
Le Singe’s Rules to live by:
Rule 1 Never ever…EVER….wear a tuxedo to a restaurant that has a salad bar!!! It’s like wearing a wife beater to the opera, just don’t do it……
P.S. – ‘Le Singe’ is your humble narrator’s nom de gare.
P.S. (redux)- if you read my blogs leave comments or kudos……