Riddle me This World Cup Addition

Ok I’m trying to understand this soccer thing and I’m not sure I “get it”. Supposedly the german team doesn’t really have any of the very top players in the world … at least that’s what the announcers said and they speak with british accents which means they know everything about soccer. Supposedly the English and the Argentinian teams were full of superstar’s, but yet the german team absolutely pistol whipped both of them (wood shedded even). The only things I notice are:

1. The Germans seem to be able to get the ball from the mire in middle field up to a shot on goal incredibly quickly. Quicker than most teams, they seem to play a more vertical game, but yet not really (to burrow a hockey phrase) sloppy dump and chase style. Other teams do it more methodically giving the defence more time to consolidate and organize.

2. One thing that’s impressed me watching the world cup is a lot of players seems to choke when they have the ball in close. The American team was the absolute worst at this, how many times did I see them in close with a chance only to meekly hit it to the goalie or miss the goal by 20′ or whatever. For some reason the german players seem much more than any other team I’ve seen, to be able to take the ball in the offensive end especially right close in and control it, shot it, or pass it with great confidence and calmness. Being under control like this seems to give them great shots and lots of goals. They are able to CLOSE THE DEAL with great skill. Where as other teams, America in particular could do everything but not close the deal.

Okay someone break it down for me and leave comments P.S. obviously I don’t know shit about soccer so someone explain to me why the german team is so good? Why the whole is greater than the sum of its parts?

Drinking + Soccer = Bad …. BUT IT’S THE WORLD CUP BRO…

ummmmkay so ya the world cup was entertaining to watch ….. I’ve been watching as much of it as a gainfully employed primate can. And of course we all wanted the team to win but dude GET A F#$%ING GRIP it’s soccer. Maybe the best time to be interview to be on the news is not after you’ve drunken away your dignity. Ironically this seems to be the time when you desire to be interview by the new the most. I was waiting for him to grab the mic out of the reporters hand and be like “…WHERE GOING STREAKING EVERYONE FOLLOW ME TIMES SQUARE NOW WE GOING STREAKING”. Frankly this makes me feel grateful because lord knows it could have been me, except it wouldn’t have been as funny because at least he wasn’t so bad off that only other people on the same level could understand him. Luckey back when I was a drinker there was no YouTube. Whats awesome for this guy and what is so great about our modern culture is a little sloppy drunkenness has instantly catapulted him to the level of national hero and made him more famous than anyone on the US soccer team.

You know somehow I can’t seem to get out of my mind that I know this guy from somewhere ….

A doubly anointed internet hero …. as they say some guys got all the luck.