Again with the Randemonium

Rachel Uchitel Goes to ‘Rehab’ … for a Price
I wish someone would have paid me $500,000.00 to go to rehab. Hell If it didn’t require me to start drinking and doing drugs again I’d go to rehab again for that, I’m sure there’s plenty going on with ole Le Singe that needs rehabbing …. maybe they should do a “gold diggers” rehab …. maybe if I screwed a professional golfer first. Pikachu I choose U

Then again it’s not like most people have the purest of motives in going to rehab myself included, but yet here we are over ten years later and I’ve been a continuously sober primate so I guess you never know. Therefore I will begrudgingly wish her luck.

Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jail Isn’t a Done Deal
*Makes popcorn pulls up comfortable chair* this should get pretty good over the next few days. According to my watch we closing in on the “train wreck starlet attempts to fake her own death to avoid jail” phase. Lindsey has thus far been nothing if not flamboyant and creative in handling this situation so I’m interested to see how she will choose to pull off this phase of the process. Also I love how like E online is like having a count down … she’s just going to the county for like 3 weeks they are not executing her for the love of god get a grip.

Jeremy London — Needs More Than ‘Celeb Rehab’

How freaking bad off do you have to be to be

….beyond the kind of help “Celebrity Rehab” can provide.

That’s got to be pretty bad, like impressively bad. If you’re beyond the point where VH1 can exploit help you your pretty much at the end of your rope. Maybe try sleeping with Tiger Woods then reapplying?

Ryan Seacrest cleared up rumours this morning that Jennifer Love Hewitt was going to be the next Bachelorette. She will not be. He could be sure of this because Ryan Seacrest himself will be the next Bachelorette …. I mean look at these guys on the bachelorette…

If this guys straight then I’m Abe Lincoln.

OMFG John Daly just became one of my all time favorite true American Heroes!!

At a time like this there is only one very specific phrase you can utter “GIT-ER-DUN” I haven’t seen anything this beautiful since Jams went out of style in the 80′s. I mean that jacket would still look pretty “high-octane” if it was worn in Aruba …. by a 75 year old woman … but this, this is a whole nother level …

*NOTE: have you ever noticed after a certain age people can pull off rocking clothes that no one else can, clothes that if they would have worn just a decade before they would have been huge assholes, but now they can pull it off*

P.S. John Daly is not this age yet.

The fact that he is rocking this ‘super sonic cabana wear on crack’ in Scotland …. at a golf course … one of the oldest and most traditional golf course in the world … is truly truly next level. The british are known for many things … flamboyance not being one of them .. neither is pastel colors … This is so so awesome because by donning this outfit Mr. Daly … “Oh Captain My Captain” … has in the most clear and epic of terms given professional golfing, Scottish golfing, the entire golfing world, hell the entire world you, me, everyone … he has given us all one huge middle finger straight up in the air. He has given the entirety of western civilization a huge … colorful … rather festive even … FUCK U. And to top it all off he is doing it while smoking … any one want to make a wager on whether they’re menthol? … You may think you’re a badass who doesn’t give a F*&$ … but if you’re not John Daly right now, in comparison you are a pussy. I mean Lebron Thought he was cool with his whole craziness last week but sorry dude you just got totally totally owned … Lebron how does John’s ass taste?

regardless of who did this it would certainly be entertaining and news worthy, but only John Daly could take it to this level … Frankly I had no idea, and can’t believe, the guy is still alive …

You see the only person that can really pull this off “right” is someone who …. is a graduate of the University of Arkansas …. is sponsored by Hooters …. has recorded an album with Willie Nelson on it …. has sung backing vocals on a Kid Rock track … has been arrested for being drunk outside a Hooters …. who has walk off the golf course multiple times during PROFESSIONAL tournaments to get drunk instead of playing …. and who has been involved in multiple “domestic incidences” during tournaments including one involving his FOURTH wife who is now in prison serving time on FEDERAL drug charges.

Gentlemen when your resume reads like this then, and only then will you be able to waltz in to an event in the most high class country in the world, for the most high class sport in the world, at the most hallowed ground of that sport ……. like you’re some kind of god damn white trash Frank Sinatra, smoking kools, and wearing the uniform of the social director from the love boat.

And no one is happier about it than Tiger Woods who is like “Phew at least this will take some heat off me … ” actually he looks much more like he is thinking “… I think one of the pimps I use has that jacket …. wait John Daly is one of the pimps I use.” The guy on the left is laughing probably because of what John Daly is wearing and you can see from John Daly’s expression he doesn’t find it funny and is fitt’en to spit some beechnut in some bodies eye and shoot someone down with his 45!!! This shot is just classic.

The next stop for Jon Daly can only be donning tuxedo with jeans as he asks for Mylie Cyrus’ hand in marriage thus the cycle will have come full circle once more!!

It’s all so beautiful it gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes ….. I LOVE YOU JOHN USA USA USA USA …..

Seriously though why not everyone should live alittle and I’m not lying when I say a #$%^ love it.

Le Singe

Randemonium

Get Scarlett Johansson’s ‘Iron Man’ Body

Saw this headline when I firde up the interwebz today it was one of the main headlines on MSN. This is interesting b/c it could be interpreted in more than one way ….. hell I’ll take two

This is my spirtual motivation for making it through another day in this cool cruel world

 

Why are they even arguing about letters and drug test etc. (Here). Sorry but if you don’t have the good sense to not have tattoos like that on your NECK; you don’t get to be trusted around children  **FACT**, that’s just the way life works it’s all about tradeoffs. Now I know you’re what you’re saying “Le Singe people can change wahwahwah” and to that I reply “Mon peuple, yes it is true people can change, BUT is it not also true tattoo’s can be removed?” Frankly the best demonstration that she is returning to a point of sanity and stability necessary to be responsible is she will have those tattoos removed. All about the trade offs….

  ummmmm….. WTF …. did she wake up late and just stick her feet into two beer cozy’s and roll out? Did she not have rain shoes so she just cut the toes out of her daughter’s galoshes so she could get her foot into it? I guess when you’re about to come into $750,000,000.00 you really don’t have to give a f$%$ anymore…. but frankly I’m pretty low on the ole giving a F*&% meter and just as form follow function, Comfort follows not giving a F&#% ….. and those don’t even look comfortable, who knows what the hell’s going on here.

I'm glab to be blogging again

 

Don’t be shy to leave comments …. DEW it … DEW it now!

~Le Singe