Archive
We’re back on!!!
VIVA MAY-HE-CO
I think Katy Perry may have actually redeemed herself yet again. Here we have the side by side comparision of the Jesus tattoo that set me off last time and the california girls. hmmmm…. what the hell WE’RE BACK ON AGAIN!!! By that I mean I plan to start Blogging again so WATCH this space Monkey Business is BACK ON!! Reunited and it feels so good.
Charlie Sheen is up to his old tricks (literally and figuratively), Lindsay Lohan is getting arraigned again, and the domestication of the dog continues unabated….how could we not be BACK ON.
~Le Singe
It’s not jus you Lindsay Lohan there’s a whole lot o’crazyness going on out there.
Lindsay Lohan — Plan Calls For California Rehab
Sources close to LiLo say the plan is for her to enter a rehab facility somewhere in Cali so people in her camp can keep close tabs on her progress.
This is good since thus far these parsites, leaches, pushers, and pimps “people in her camp” have done such a good job of taking care of her and keeping her going in the right direction….
Burst beaver dam closes highway for 3 hours.
OTTAWA — Damn beaver dam.
The beaver’s reputation as an expert engineer took a beating Wednesday night after a dam let go and flooded Highway 60 north of Whitney, forcing police to close the highway for several hours.
how’s the bean counter’s decision to out source the provinces engineering to the rodent world looking now …. as and engineer I’ll take this opportunity to laugh as you come crawling back.
Man Accused Of Bashing ATMs With Ax
Wilson said the suspect told police he found the ax near a trash container at a nearby bar. He also told officers he’s been under a lot of stress, police said, and made a mistake by vandalizing the ATMs.
Vandalizing eh? I’m sure his target selection had nothing to do with the tons of cash inside ….. I remember the good ole days when this was called armed robbery.
Lundar resident faces charges over 911 calls
A 33-year-old resident of Lundar, Manitoba is facing numerous charges after allegedly making a series of 911 calls which included demanding RCMP officers somehow bring the National Hockey League back to the province.
GOTTA SUPPORT THE TEAM … this is still better than face painting …. frankly as a fan sometimes you just get pushed too far.
“He had apparently been drinking and told police he hadn’t slept in days. He started talking about world conglomerates, things like that. He was hallucinating, obviously,” said the source.
Here’s a shocker I figured that this guy was a tea-tolling father of the year who was driven be his deep seated passionate involvement in his community who was clearly aware of the fact that when you’ve been drinking and haven’t slept in days (aka drinking and doing meth) is the ideal time to interact with law enforcement….
Cheating German couple fall from window during sex session
A CHEATING couple who fell from an apartment window during a secret sex session suffered broken bones and head wounds.
The man and woman, who were not named, fell about five metres from the first floor apartment, in the German city of Lubeck, German newsite Bild.Com reported.
The woman, who is married to another man, insisted the pair were not having sex, despite reports from neighbors who spotted the couple in action before their tumble.
“We weren’t having sex. We were just fooling around. I can’t remember the fall anymore,” the woman told the paper.
In a bizarre twist, the clumsy lovers were taken to the same hospital where the woman’s husband was recovering from his own fall – from a roof a few days earlier.
I guess no one was really paying attention at the last family “safety meeting” where always being tied off and wearing your harness was discussed … she can’t remember but she remembers for sure they weren’t having sex … fooling around …. sorry you’re not Bill Clintoning your way out of this one. I doubt the husband cares this couple obviously is in to some perverse shit that’s way more out there than adultery.
Le Singe
The father of the year is back!!
It takes some serious work to make Dina Lohan aka “white Oprah” the good parent in a family but our boy Mikee-mike is up for the challenge. Michael Lohan: My Fiancee Lies for Money! …. always up for a challenge and apparently always up for some good ole fashion women beating … We all remember this
Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.
Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook
March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.
May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”
May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”
June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ‘stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”
The first one is classic because I absolutely guarantee you it was a fake watch lol … and now he is back at it (p.s. these two incidents involve two different women).
Kate continues, “He then turned over the chair while I was still in it, tossing me to the floor. I crawled to the other side of the room to get away from him. He walked over to me, took his shoe off and kicked me in my face while I was still on the ground. He stood over me and said, ‘I’m going to go back to jail cause of you, cause I will kill you.’”
HEY at least he took off his shoe like a gentleman … jesus women can be so demanding and critical …..
What does Michael Lohan have to say about all this:
Lohan acknowledges an argument, but denies even touching her. He says, “Kate has severe drinking problems and she’s jealous of all the people involved in the show.”
Lohan is putting together a reality show
with a cast that includes Rachel Uchitel and Joslyn James.
Ya bad break dude, I think the thing is you are just meeting the wrong kind of women …. I mean the fact that she is not happy about her boyfriend working on a “show” starring hookers who are also porn stars clearly shows that she is as unreasonable as she is crazy!!
LoL whats the “show” going to be called “kate Plus 8″ except in this case instead of kids the eight are hookers. But mike “reality show” … porn is about as far from “reality” as you can get so you’re probably going to have to change the branding a bit before going public. (as I’m sure it is obvious to everyone this show does not exist anywhere other than magic Mikes head).
But lets really get to the bottom of this what is the route cause:
Michael says of Kate, “She has no money, no job and she’s been living off of me for the last 8 months … and her dad just cut her off.” He claims Kate needs money so bad, she would stoop to creating a false story.
It’s always the gold digger isn’t it ….. WAIT what money b/c there’s no freaking way you have any money for her to get …. have you ever even had a job in your life? So as I often do Le Singe will translate this seemingly non-sensical situation for the benifit of you the reader:
Mikie moves in with Kate so he can live off the money she gets from her, most likely wealthy, family (smooth mike is trash but that should not be confused with dumb) after a while Mr. Majors discovers he has been supporting Mr. Lohan financially while Mr. Lohan is banging his daughter (this may well be worse than finding out you have aids) so Mr. Majors does the second most reasonable thing he could possibly do (the first would be to put a cap in mikee-mikes ass, no jury anywhere in North American would ever ever convict you for this) which is cut them off. Now Kate is no longer of use to Michael so the gloves are coming off and sweet ole Mike is gone and psychopathic misogynistic Mike is back and he is ready to cut her lose …. but not before he enjoys a little face kickin ….
What I love is that this guy was trying to get a conservatorship for Lindsey earlier this year … there is only a very very few people who …. like you could count them on your fingers few …. people who would do a worse job of running Lindsey’s life than she has and unfortunately both of her parents are in this group ….
This guy is such total trash … can we just euthanize him like you do a dog that bites people. It’s only a matter of time till he’s back in prison living off your and my dime again … and speaking of prison exactly how many women do you have to beat up these days before they put you in jail? apparently more than two …. well I guess it’s not like the person whose doing the beat was a convicted felon …. wait …. actually it is like that exactly like that ….
~Le Singe
P.S. Mr. Lohan’s attorney replied to this story “My client might be a women beater but at least he’s not a p#$% eater” (no so serious just a parting shot for all you easy fans out there.)
Again with the Randemonium
Rachel Uchitel Goes to ‘Rehab’ … for a Price
I wish someone would have paid me $500,000.00 to go to rehab. Hell If it didn’t require me to start drinking and doing drugs again I’d go to rehab again for that, I’m sure there’s plenty going on with ole Le Singe that needs rehabbing …. maybe they should do a “gold diggers” rehab …. maybe if I screwed a professional golfer first. Pikachu I choose U
Then again it’s not like most people have the purest of motives in going to rehab myself included, but yet here we are over ten years later and I’ve been a continuously sober primate so I guess you never know. Therefore I will begrudgingly wish her luck.
Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jail Isn’t a Done Deal
*Makes popcorn pulls up comfortable chair* this should get pretty good over the next few days. According to my watch we closing in on the “train wreck starlet attempts to fake her own death to avoid jail” phase. Lindsey has thus far been nothing if not flamboyant and creative in handling this situation so I’m interested to see how she will choose to pull off this phase of the process. Also I love how like E online is like having a count down … she’s just going to the county for like 3 weeks they are not executing her for the love of god get a grip.
Jeremy London — Needs More Than ‘Celeb Rehab’
How freaking bad off do you have to be to be
….beyond the kind of help “Celebrity Rehab” can provide.
That’s got to be pretty bad, like impressively bad. If you’re beyond the point where VH1 can exploit help you your pretty much at the end of your rope. Maybe try sleeping with Tiger Woods then reapplying?
Ryan Seacrest cleared up rumours this morning that Jennifer Love Hewitt was going to be the next Bachelorette. She will not be. He could be sure of this because Ryan Seacrest himself will be the next Bachelorette …. I mean look at these guys on the bachelorette…
If this guys straight then I’m Abe Lincoln.
Alcoholics say the darnedest things…
Charlie Sheen 911 — ‘Car Went … Over the Cliff’.
Not to harp on the same subject over and over, but hell I work with the material I have at hand. So I read this story this week, and I couldn’t help but have this weird feeling you know like you know I had seen this somewhere …. Déjà vu I think they call it. Did this happen to me in a previous life? ooooooohhh wait a minute….
And
Charlie Sheen Left Keys in the Car — Again
Riiiiiightttttttt …. Sooo for the second time in 4 MONTHS Charlie leaves his keys in the ignition of his car, and both times it gets stolen? ….. Both times there just happened to be an opportunist car thief wandering the streets of his highly exclusive GATED neighborhood …. Who just happened on Chucky’s car the TWO times he happened to leave the keys in the ignition? Wait … wait no maybe not it seems like Charlie says someone was stalking his house before/after the first time, “casing the joint”. Someone was risking casing his house in order to steal his car twice just to drive it around and dump it in a ditch somewhere, yes this makes perfect sense (maybe it was Lindsey Lohan I hear she’s had some driving issues). AAAAaaanddd it just so happened to be during a time that Charlie has been known to be “off the wagon”? It kinda reminds me of back when I was a drinker and people kept “smashing in to my car while it was in a parking lot” it was the darnedest thing I had the worst luck….
We’re told detectives are going back to Charlie’s neighborhood later today, to see if surveillance tape at the guard shack shows the car leaving the property. The guard shack exit is the only way out, but for some reason there was no video of the first heist.
Pray tell, did the cameras happen to catch chucky staggering strolling back in to the neighborhood on foot? It was reported from a pay phone on Ventura blvd. eh? Is there a museum there? I wasn’t aware pay phones still existed ….. I’d bet you could go to the police station and make a report in person sooner than you could find a pay phone. I guess if you did that then they would know it was you that found it and that wouldn’t be good because we wouldn’t want anyone thinking that maybe you were just drunkenly crashing your cars in to ditches, and walking away to wait for them to be found, and then claiming they were stolen now would we …. That wouldn’t be good for your court cases errr divorce settlement err reputation now would it?
again with the monday……
this site is pretty freaking great….. http://unhappyhipsters.com/ I always love finding great sites like this if you know more feel free to leave comment or get in touch with my “people” (aka facebook or twitter).
“House shark….Just when you thought it was safe to ride your bike in the whitefolk neighborhood again..”
So here we are its Monday morning we’re all back to letting to neon light suck our life force out to make a few more dollars for the man….oil is gushing unabated into the marsh lands of our state….Jimmy Dean died, I’ll never be able to eat a sausage biscuit the same again……tom cruise didn’t die…..and when I walked outside this morning it was soooo hot it knocked me back into the house. ***seriously how can it be so hot so early in the day and so early in the year (if anyone says global warming I’ll kick you in the shin) can we get a little volcanic winter action going on or maybe another one of those ice ages…something
Basically we are all in need of something to help us out this morning…..I’ve got just the trick SIDE BOOB…yes we allllll know side boob we all love side boob…everyone….I’m sure even gay men love side boob because it’s well…..side boob. Side boob has inspired me so much this morning that not only have I risen above the afore mentioned malaise I’ve even decided to attempt to take my rightful place next to Samuel Johnson, Merion Webster, and Flava Flava by creating my own phrase thus bettering all of the English speaking people of the world. With the aid of my assistant Ms. Lohan, I’d like to present my creation to you, Lindsay if you would be so kind…
Inside boob…..drool******…yes inside boob it’s like side boob VIP. Its 100% pure awsome mixed with win…..use its power to make it through another manic monday….
