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A Heisman in the Hand is Worth How Many in the …… Bush?
Reggie Bush has decided to forfeit the Heisman Trophy he won in 2005. Forfeit eh? Lets get one thing clear before we start … This is more bullshittese and once again Le Singe is here to translate for you …. What this means is they called him up and said either give it back or we’re taking it … I don’t care what anyone says, this is the Heisman equivalent of the people you work for saying “…. you can either resign or get fired, it’s up to you.”
I’m sure it stings a little bit for Reggie right now, but at the end of the day is it any worse than hocking it to T.J. Moran (ala Billy Cannon) so it can be displayed in a case at his ribs joint (tj’s ribs don’t get me wrong I love the restaurant and eat there often, but still, and P.S. their website really sucks hard, but just to reiterate the ribs are en fuego). This brings us to the crux of the argument … I wonder if anyone ever threw ole Billy Cannon a bone or two during the 1959 season? I mean the local folklore, which I have no idea if it is true or not, is that the only reason Billy Cannon even went to LSU was he got arrested and they made it a condition of his parole that he couldn’t permanently leave the state. Do I think Billy probably got some perks? Of course he did THEY MADE A GOD DAMN MOVIE ABOUT IT.
The most pathetic thing of all about this whole deal is how the sports media and supposed “purest” are all outraged and indignant. Shutup assholes, the only thing Reggie did was get caught, and you all know this. “The U” (aka the university of Miami) was put on probation in 1995 for a whole bunch of bad behavior including paying players, this occurred in the mid 80′s to the mid 90′s during this time two Miami players won the Heisman (Vinny Testaverde and Gino Torretta) and I don’t ever remember hearing crap out of anyone about whether their Heismans should be investigated. Auburn and Pat Dye got caught with their hand in the cookie jar doing all sorts of shady stuff, again including paying players, this was during the time Bo Jackson won the Heisman and I don’t remember anyone investigating that. Billy Sims won it at Oklahoma during an era when they were known to play fast and loose with the rules. Oklahoma State got busted during the Barry Sanders era. I could go on and on, now I don’t know who, if any, of these guys were not totally on the up and up, but it would be pretty naive to assume that none of them got any perks. So get off your high horse Bush won the Heisman and no matter who has the trophy or whatever he always will be the 2005 winner.
speaking of bad Heisman winners remember this guy:
Maybe you recognize him better in this picture:
They didn’t take his Heisman and he F%^&ing murdered two people among other serious crimes. It’s just like the Michael Vick deal where Donte Stallworth and Leonard Little kill people and get 30 days and probation. Where as Vick gets 2 years for dog fighting … hell Plaxico Burress got 2 years for shooting himself in the nuts … sucks to be him…
Look I know, you know, Reggie knows, EVERYONE knows what he did was wrong, and for the record in my opinion giving it back was the right thing to do. But them taking it was wrong and if you’re all indignant about this then either:
1. You’re a huge asshole
or
2. You better be leading the charge to investigate everyone else who ever won it.
Lastly the people who should be largely responsible for this type of wrong doing get away basically scott free. Petey the pup skated right on out of town about an hour before the posse arrived right into a better job with at least comparable pay. I haven’t heard a damn peep about Pete Carroll in the media or elsewhere. At Miami Jimmy Johnson rode on to the Cowboys and immortality as one of the greatest football coaches of all time, Hell now he’s even on Survivor and hocking dick-get-hard pills (this it the definition of living the american dream 2010). While Dennis Erickson didn’t leave quite as clean he still went onto the NFL and now is back coaching in college last I checked. Barry Switzer followed the Jimmy Johnson route, albeit not as successfully. Until these guys are somehow held more accountable for what goes on in their programs it will be hard to make any headway on this issue at all.
I’m in Town to Play the Dolphins you Dumbass
did anyone at anytime think even for a second that he wasn’t coming back? Of course not.
So it’s that time of year again the college season started yesterday and the Fantasy Season starts next week. I’ve been catching a lot of ESPN and I’m super stoked to see that they now have Herm Edwards on staff. Ole Herm wasn’t the greatest head coach but he is one of the awesomest people ever and he has blessed us with this gem for the ages, which seems rather apropos at the moment:
And like everyone else the “Chupacabras” are locked and loaded and ready to go PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. Here is what big daddy is working with(not necessarily the order they were drafted in):
1.Frank Gore
2.Megatron Calvin Johnson
3.Tony Homo Romo
4.Jahvid Beast
5.Knowshow Moreno
6.Antonio Gates
7.Run DMC Darren McFadden
8.Caddilac Carnel Williams
9.Santana Moss
10.Derrick Mason
11.Philly D
12. David Buelher
13.Lee Evans
14.Bernard Berrian
15.Brent Celek
See you in the payoffs
As if It were Donkey Kong!!
Good thing about this season is I have no expectations so to me the worst they can do is status quo. A lot of people are fired up saying how good they’re gonna be blah blah, all I’ve got to say it I’ve heard it before like last year … I’ll believe it when I see it. I remember some people in 2008 when Ryan Perrilloux got the boot trying to tell me that they’d been “hearing” Jarrett Lee was actually better than RP anyway……
As far as the game today I was really excited about it because it was finally a good season opener, and finally a good non conference game against a quality opponent. THEN North Carolina goes and suspends half their team including 8 starters and it’s reduced to the equivalent of another northern southwest Texas polytech …(you know “The Beavers”). Why does this suck, because now its reduce to a situation where either:
1. We blow them out which is a really boring game and we still won’t get much credit for it.
or
2. It’s a close game which is a bad sign for the rest of the season and will make everyone pissy, god forbid we actually lose … this won’t be a fun place to be. (note: I’m speaking of the general population, although I love going to and watching the games and am a big supporter of the university in general and hope they win every game, I’m beyond having my mood and general happiness being effected by the actions of 18 year olds…. on the football field …. on the stripper pole might be a different story …. just kidding … .)
All in all I’m still pretty stoked I like football season and fall is without a doubt my FAVORITE time of year so how bout it can we get a GEAUX TIGERS?!!!!!!!!!!!
IS IT THE SHOES?
These old Nike commercials with Michael Jordan and Mars Blackmon (aka Spike Lee) have to be one of the greatest ad campaigns of all time…
Not only are them cool but they were super successful …. Remember back in the late 80′s early 90′s when people where shooting each other for these shoes. That means your marketing was successful …. If people are shooting each other for your product I don’t need to see sales numbers, revenue, balance sheet NADA!!
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Writing this reminded me of the old video game NBA Jams (when you started getting hot it would yell out “is it the shoes?” among other things), that’s was a great game and there is something modern video game makers should learn from that. That game had great gameplay so what if it was not realistic or had the best graphics ever …. game play is what matters the other crap is nice but it doesn’t really matter if the gameplay is not there.
Lastly I just Made up another internet saying this morning LLOL [Literally Laughing Out Loud!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Dear John Daly (and your pants) …. thanks alot buddy
But no sooner than I go public with my support for it, Big John goes out and does this
…. umm WTF …. Tony Little circa 1991 called said he is about to hit the gym and needs his pants back. While the jacket worked as part of an outfit and a look, these pants are straight up people of Wal-mart status (by the by if you’ve never been there you need to go … now …. the site not actual Wal-mart). There is just nothing in the world that can possibly explain or justify wearing those pants …. are you kidding me? Did he get them from Mc Hammers estate sale …. and to top it all off his girl friend was out on the course supporting him and sporting these:
Matching outfit’s …. are you kidding me. Do they have matching airbrushed tee-shirts they wear at night? This isn’t Gatlinburg, or an AARP bus trip to Graceland, or spring break in Panama City it’s the F%$&ING BRITISH OPEN … and matching outfits for couples stopping being acceptable right around the time Eve, on the advice of a serpent, touched her poutty lips to that apple …. when you’re hanging around the house or some such do whatever you want and I’ll silently snicker to myself … but dude you guys are in another country on international Tv you’re embarrassing all of us ….
Oh and who is this fair maiden you ask? The only thing I know about her is she is an ex Hooters waitress … honestly I’d of rather she wore the Hooters outfit, unless that meant the John would have matched his outfit to hers … which would have been a situation so perverse that not even my mind can contemplate it. Frankly when I heard Daly was sponsored by Hooters I assumed they were paying him in Booze and Chicken wings, but it looks like he took more of a Tigeresq route.
But don’t feel too bad for these two all this fine couture is all courtesy of Loudmouth Golf who also sponsors Daly. And as you would expect from the culture of the gilded age we are living in Daly and future ex-wife number 5 his girlfriends outfits have been the talk of every media outlet in the world possibly even above the tournament itself. I’m sure they are all doing pretty well. Furthermore I hear John Daly has sobered up (two years) and this is something to be greatly commended for, and what the hell if you’re gonna go out there and be a redneck you might as well blow it out all the way … frankly I will be shocked if these two don’t have a reality Tv show by the fall.
The only thing that could have made this any better is if Daly had actually won and we would have had a repeat of what happened the last time he won the British Open in 1995:
Maybe that guy is the future CEO of Loudmouth Golf, maybe this is how the two linked up in the first place …. although its more likely they met while getting drunk at Hooters!
OMFG John Daly just became one of my all time favorite true American Heroes!!
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At a time like this there is only one very specific phrase you can utter “GIT-ER-DUN” I haven’t seen anything this beautiful since Jams went out of style in the 80′s. I mean that jacket would still look pretty “high-octane” if it was worn in Aruba …. by a 75 year old woman … but this, this is a whole nother level …
*NOTE: have you ever noticed after a certain age people can pull off rocking clothes that no one else can, clothes that if they would have worn just a decade before they would have been huge assholes, but now they can pull it off*
P.S. John Daly is not this age yet.
The fact that he is rocking this ‘super sonic cabana wear on crack’ in Scotland …. at a golf course … one of the oldest and most traditional golf course in the world … is truly truly next level. The british are known for many things … flamboyance not being one of them .. neither is pastel colors … This is so so awesome because by donning this outfit Mr. Daly … “Oh Captain My Captain” … has in the most clear and epic of terms given professional golfing, Scottish golfing, the entire golfing world, hell the entire world you, me, everyone … he has given us all one huge middle finger straight up in the air. He has given the entirety of western civilization a huge … colorful … rather festive even … FUCK U. And to top it all off he is doing it while smoking … any one want to make a wager on whether they’re menthol? … You may think you’re a badass who doesn’t give a F*&$ … but if you’re not John Daly right now, in comparison you are a pussy. I mean Lebron Thought he was cool with his whole craziness last week but sorry dude you just got totally totally owned … Lebron how does John’s ass taste?
regardless of who did this it would certainly be entertaining and news worthy, but only John Daly could take it to this level … Frankly I had no idea, and can’t believe, the guy is still alive …
You see the only person that can really pull this off “right” is someone who …. is a graduate of the University of Arkansas …. is sponsored by Hooters …. has recorded an album with Willie Nelson on it …. has sung backing vocals on a Kid Rock track … has been arrested for being drunk outside a Hooters …. who has walk off the golf course multiple times during PROFESSIONAL tournaments to get drunk instead of playing …. and who has been involved in multiple “domestic incidences” during tournaments including one involving his FOURTH wife who is now in prison serving time on FEDERAL drug charges.
Gentlemen when your resume reads like this then, and only then will you be able to waltz in to an event in the most high class country in the world, for the most high class sport in the world, at the most hallowed ground of that sport ……. like you’re some kind of god damn white trash Frank Sinatra, smoking kools, and wearing the uniform of the social director from the love boat.
And no one is happier about it than Tiger Woods who is like “Phew at least this will take some heat off me … ” actually he looks much more like he is thinking “… I think one of the pimps I use has that jacket …. wait John Daly is one of the pimps I use.” The guy on the left is laughing probably because of what John Daly is wearing and you can see from John Daly’s expression he doesn’t find it funny and is fitt’en to spit some beechnut in some bodies eye and shoot someone down with his 45!!! This shot is just classic.
The next stop for Jon Daly can only be donning tuxedo with jeans as he asks for Mylie Cyrus’ hand in marriage thus the cycle will have come full circle once more!!
It’s all so beautiful it gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes ….. I LOVE YOU JOHN USA USA USA USA …..
Seriously though why not everyone should live alittle and I’m not lying when I say a #$%^ love it.
Le Singe
Riddle me This World Cup Addition
Ok I’m trying to understand this soccer thing and I’m not sure I “get it”. Supposedly the german team doesn’t really have any of the very top players in the world … at least that’s what the announcers said and they speak with british accents which means they know everything about soccer. Supposedly the English and the Argentinian teams were full of superstar’s, but yet the german team absolutely pistol whipped both of them (wood shedded even). The only things I notice are:
1. The Germans seem to be able to get the ball from the mire in middle field up to a shot on goal incredibly quickly. Quicker than most teams, they seem to play a more vertical game, but yet not really (to burrow a hockey phrase) sloppy dump and chase style. Other teams do it more methodically giving the defence more time to consolidate and organize.
2. One thing that’s impressed me watching the world cup is a lot of players seems to choke when they have the ball in close. The American team was the absolute worst at this, how many times did I see them in close with a chance only to meekly hit it to the goalie or miss the goal by 20′ or whatever. For some reason the german players seem much more than any other team I’ve seen, to be able to take the ball in the offensive end especially right close in and control it, shot it, or pass it with great confidence and calmness. Being under control like this seems to give them great shots and lots of goals. They are able to CLOSE THE DEAL with great skill. Where as other teams, America in particular could do everything but not close the deal.
Okay someone break it down for me and leave comments P.S. obviously I don’t know shit about soccer so someone explain to me why the german team is so good? Why the whole is greater than the sum of its parts?
This will never get old…. NEVER!!
So it’s sunday and the specter of having to work tomorrow is looking over your shoulder, maybe your world cup team lost, and whatever else might be going wrong in your world. In times like this we all look to something for comfort. Some people like ice cream and cake, others morphine and scotch. But I eat ice cream and cake regardless of mood, and several years ago I had to turn my back on the whole morphine and scotch thing. So me, I have to look to the true classics for a beacon in the dark hallways of life. Because I’m such a swell fellow I will now present you something that is a surefire way to buoy your fragile psyche:
Probably more than a few people throughout the english speaking world saying this right now.
Enjoy it savior it … you’ll thank me later I assure you.
~Le Singe
Dogs barkin’ bout the cars and the bars but is it only human nature (a soap box moment)
So I guess you’ve heard by now that former Saints (and university of Tennessee, boy some fine individuals have passed through that football program) wide receiver Donte Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years house arrest. To fill you in if you have not been following this what happened is he hit an killed someone (pedestrian) with his car while driving drunk. Now before I get started I will say that 30 days is not enough I think most people who do this get more than that (maybe something like 2 years), and just to get it out of the way I think he should have gotten what anyone else without money or fame would have gotten nothing more nothing less. But that is not the point of todays fire side chat. Also consider that according to everyone the incident was most likely the pedestrians fault and by all accounts if Stallworth was not drunk he would not have been charged; furthermore it is my understanding that Stallworth stopped and call police and honestly, even though it is the right thing to do and we all say it’s what we would do, it took some balls to do that.
There really are two things about this that have stuck out to me and I think they are really based on the same thing.
First, all last week I heard this kicked around on radio call in shows and I kept hearing something said that I personally think is horseshit. There where multiple callers and at least one host who were irate that he only got 30 days but they would all be like “sure I’ve got DWI….but he killed someone….” Sorry to break it to you but the only difference between you and Mr. Stallworth is luck…I mean come on, obviously the people that end up killing someone while drunk driving don’t jump in the car and say ‘lets go kill someone’. They are just like theses guys or most of you, and defiantly me in the past, they get behind the wheel when they shouldn’t and say something like I’ll be careful this time, or that type of stuff doesn’t happen to me, then proceed to endanger themselves and others. Sometimes that danger turns into reality, lots of times it doesn’t, but to me you are no ethical or morally better if you make it home unscathed or if your victim is a mailbox than someone who kills someone. One guy even call in and was bitch b/c he has a nephew who has 4 DWI and got ten years even though he never killed someone, but Stallworth only got 30 days. I hate to tell you guy, but your nephew is much more of a danger to others that Mr. Stallworth and he certainly deserved his sentence. It is strange to me that people don’t seem to get that it is driving drunk that is the problem. No one would call in a say I was shooting at someone but I missed so it no big deal, but people who shoot at and kill people they are murders. That’s why trying to shoot someone is called attempted murder and it’s almost as serious a crime as murder.
Second, not too long ago Michael Vick got in trouble for dog fighting. Vick gets sentenced to 2 years in jail. Now I don’t condone dog fighting I think it’s a horrible thing but lets look at this a crime that cost a human life gets you 30 days and a crime that cost the life dogs gets you 2 years….doesn’t make lots of sense. Even weirder is there was massive public out rage against Vick, people were protesting in the streets having rallies, etc. There was almost none of this for Stallworth whose crime cost a human life.
What ties this all together is something interesting about human nature. Unfortunately most of us have at one time or another gotten behind the wheel when we should not have, but most of us have not ended up killing someone. Most of us do consider DWI to be a serious issue but relatively minor as far as crime goes (I doubt any of us considers ourselves to be attempted murders), but most people see someone who kills someone while driving drunk as a murder and we are outraged. Most of us have not ever been involved in dog fighting at all and most of us see it as a major deal to be outraged about and to protest about. As humans we tend to minimize our own faults and then smugly judge those that do who have faults we happen not to have or do things we have not done. Most of us have driven drunk, we have not killed someone but we are at least somewhat aware that it could happen, and most of us can not relate to dog fighting at all. Not surprising judging by public reaction we feel dog fighting is the most egregious issue of the three, THEN killing someone while driving under the influence, and lastly DWI. Certainly something that endangers human life is more serious than dog fighting and killing someone is simply a by product of DWI (i.e. the real issue is DWI, DWI kills people the who and when are simply fate). I’d say we have it exactly backwards. In our minds we will not let ourselves consider DWI as serious (more serious really) as the others why?…b/c it gets in the way of us doing what we want to do when we want to do it, it hurts our egos over what we have done in the past, and it does not let us inflate our current egos by judging others.
I think this really spills over into so many problems we have in the world today. It is why we are so short sighted. We want leaders that are going to trick us with promises of having our cake and eating it too. We don’t want to hear that our problems might be some what our fault and that we might actually have to change or make sacrifices to overcome them (some people know this on a personal level but not on a society level) it is simply human nature….
